Dr. Helen

Men, Is Trump a Litmus Test for Your Relationship?

Men, you’ll be glad to know that “The View” is tackling another real social issue: “Trump is ruining people’s sex lives”:

On a very Friday edition of “The View,” the panel addressed a previously unmentioned side-effect of Donald Trump’s election in 2016: Is Trump ruining the sex lives of Americans?

Joy Behar opened the topic by asking the men out there: “Have you noticed that your wife is disgusted by the sight of you lately? Would she rather get a root canal than see you naked?”

“Well, you shouldn’t have voted for Trump, okay?” she said. Behar cited one therapist who said her clients have “lost their sex drive since Trump won.” The therapist called it “Trump bedroom backlash.”

“Is Trump causing electile dysfunction?” she asked.

“I think that the sex drive does die and, you know, we are building a wall around our vaginas,” she continued. “The guy [Trump] says it’s okay if he would grab a woman by her you-know-what, and women are either a 10 or a one, or this one’s fat, and you voted for that schmuck?”

“You voted for that? I’m not sleeping with you,” Behar said. “That’s what’s happening,” Sunny Hostin agreed.

Wow. One would think this is parody, although it is “The View,” but this is beyond the pale. Your girlfriend or wife won’t sleep with you because you didn’t vote like her? You believed in the free market and a better economy etc. and now she is punishing you by withholding sex, and she views you as “disgusting”? Seriously? And you are still with her? Guys, you have been warned like you have never been warned before. This is a red flag that you are with the wrong person.

If this is a girlfriend or fiance, get rid of her now. A person who would treat you this way and use sex as a weapon against you is not your friend. And you can bet that any future relationship you have with this woman will be a mistake, with you taking the brunt of her anger when things don’t go her way.

If you are married, bide your time and watch her future actions with an eye towards divorce. Start spending more time with the kids if you have them, drop your earnings if possible, and start the process of protecting yourself from someone who one day soon will probably stomp on your heart the same way she stomped on your political views and your sex life. A woman who cannot tolerate differences between you is not a worthy partner.

I recently had to sigh with the irony of it all when I read an article entitled “Men Dump their Anger into Women,” in which the mistaken author concluded that in relationships, women must do all of the work as men are always dumping their feelings of anger onto the women in their lives:

Why is the less violent gender the one learning all the emotional self regulation?

Because women are expected to regulate the emotions of men as well as themselves. They have to sharpen their emotional regulation skillz because they’ll be regulating for two even when they’re not pregnant…

So these sex-denying anti-Trump women are dumping their anger onto their boyfriends or husbands and denying them intimacy because of their vote? And that is not dumping female anger onto men? I think it is.

Women in relationships are often found to use anger against men in ways that are vicious, and this anger is dismissed by society in order to protect women and view men as expendable. Warren Farrell explains this dynamic well in his books like Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love.

We don’t help women to understand their own anger against men because it is politically incorrect and most women wouldn’t know anger if it bit them in the ass. Many women think all of their feelings are justified and men’s are not. They see themselves as the gatekeepers of emotions which oftentimes means that they demand their significant other think and feel the way that they would think or feel or should think or feel. If a man dares show any autonomy or differences in opinion, look what happens — he is out in the cold, sex-starved and emotionally bewildered.

Think of it this way guys. If your vote for Trump turned your woman off so much that she refuses to have sex with you and is disgusted by the very presence of you, then how will she react if you tell her anything else that she does not want to hear about yourself, your relationship or about her?

Find someone who loves you for yourself, despite or because of your politics. (And yes, some liberal women are secure enough to accept a conservative or libertarian man). To do less for your love life is to deny yourself a satisfying life. You deserve better than that.