Iran says it’s ready to return to nuclear talks as long as the United States stops being mean to them. That's not a "Babylon Bee" headline. It's the position of a regime that was taken outside, behind the woodshed, and introduced to the reality of President Trump and Israel's resolve.
This behavior is like a burglar entering the house of an armed mother and saying, "I'll stop robbing you if you stop shooting me."
It's not close to diplomacy; it's desperation disguised as moral outrage.
We wouldn't even be talking about this if Trump didn't have the cojones to take decisive action.
The Sitcom-Grade Absurdity of Tehran’s Demands
Thinking they had leverage, Tehran sent the strongly-worded memo containing preconditions that sounded like a therapy session for couples.
All three countries need to show good will, no more accusations, and use kind words, not bunker-busters.
If this plea weren't nuclear, it would actually be kind of funny.
It would be like Kramer bursting into Jerry's apartment, waving his arms wildly, saying, "Jerry, let's talk! But you gotta ignore the uranium in my closet!"
That's the idea Iran is pitching. It's like the old line, "You gonna believe what you see or what I tell you?"
When Strength Rewrites the Script
With President Trump at the wheel, we're not escalating anything; we're just resetting the chessboard in a way that should have been done for decades. Instead of sending pallets of cash, removing crippling sanctions, and attending summits that were no more than photo ops, the U.S. and Israel combined to finally send a message to the ayatollah:
- Fordow: Damaged.
- Isfahan: Compromised.
- Natanz: So thoroughly wrecked that Iran still can’t access the site to assess the damage.
That last bullet ended up being what I thought was the funniest part of that Tribune article.
Iranian President Masoud Pezeshkian, in an interview published Monday, said the U.S. airstrikes so badly damaged his country’s nuclear facilities that Iranian authorities still have not been able to access them to survey the destruction.
That's panic trying to be disguised as posterizing.
Iran is crawling back toward diplomacy, not from a place of strength; it's because Trump handed them back their buttocks.
No More Goodwill for Bad Actors
The regimes of Obama and Biden conditioned Iran to expect handouts after receiving warm, loving hugs. This was after Iran launched a few rockets, followed by whispered sweet nothings about Israel's violent posturing about defending itself.
That's like having another homeowner living next door to a biker gang. Gang members repeatedly break into their house, kill the dog, and hurt the daughter. Before the owner's outrage reaches the point where he wants to blow the bikers' house to smithereens, the homeowner's association reminds him about not committing acts of violence towards neighbors.
President Trump ignored precedent and the homeowner's association, and destroyed the bikers' house. That wasn't coddling; it was consequences. Suddenly, for some reason, the world's top terrorism sponsor Googled to learn the language of trust and transparency.
Obviously, Iran isn't sincere; they're wounded.
Because of this, it's the only reason they're kind of talking.
While the Media Plays Interpreter for the Ayatollah
We didn't have to wait long before the news readers from the drive-bys segued to "important" talking heads who ran agencies under Obama and Biden. Those principled individuals lamented the loss of momentum peace talks had gathered in disarming Iran's nuclear arsenal. They claimed that attacking those sites complicated diplomacy.
It's funny, when Iran built stockpiles of uranium, violating previous agreements. Or when they funded Hezbollah and Hamas with Israel on their sites. Or when Western reporters were arrested.
Now that Trump put them in the corner, the talking heads describe Iran as misunderstood monks that seek inner peace.
Give me a moment to grab a napkin. I spit something up.
Every Delay Hurts Someone We Never See
Our press never quantifies the human cost related to each delay in confronting Iran.
People are still rotting in Iranian prisons, while journalists and women's rights activists disappear in the night. Daughters are brutally silenced, and sons will never be seen again. Missiles kill Israeli citizens, while at the same time, Iranian diplomats find summits and cameras they smile into.
History is full of examples showing that strength isn't cruelty. It's the mercy needed for those crushed under the boots of tyrants and monsters.
Each time we backed off because of an Iranian pouty face, those people were betrayed.
Final Thoughts
Iran is offering to return to negotiations if the United States stops being so mean.
Let's let that sit for a while.
Nobody scolded them; thousands of pounds of rock crushed the very heart of their nuclear ambitions. They can't measure the loss, because they can't reach the debris. Their president is pleading, buying time. Again.
However, the regime is realizing there are no moves to make.
I hope real Western leaders realize the time for being nice has long passed. President Trump was precise in his message: You do not threaten the civilized world, then set the terms for your surrender.
The regime does not have the chance to determine the rules. We'll let them walk into the room...
...after we've hit them with the big stick we've always had, but never used.
