Culture

God Bless America: The Pizza ATM Is Finally Here

It’s not a hoverboard, but it’s a start.

Xavier University is officially winning… especially in the hearts of pizza lovers.

The university put a Pizza ATM in one of its residence halls that serves up a fresh, restaurant-quality pizza in minutes. And it’s open 24-7.

“We were looking for a way to solve this problem of having a late-night pizza option on campus,” Assistant Vice President Jude Kiah said. “And this meets our students where they’re at, in their residence hall.”

He said this pizza vending machine was a cost-effective and innovative way to make students happy and satisfy their cravings.

“And we like the idea of being first and innovative and trying something new,” Kiah said. “There’s one Pizza ATM in the U.S. and this is it.”

When I was in college we had to walk five miles uphill in the snow (in Tucson!) both ways to get a pizza. These kids today have it made.

That it took so long to get the first pizza ATM to the greatest country on Earth is almost unthinkable. That there is only one so far is rather unforgivable. I mean, they’ve got them in Europe, an entire continent that can’t even make a hamburger.

Let’s not fall further behind in the pizza delivery race. NASA isn’t doing much that we can celebrate these days; there must be some nimble minds there we can put on this. If they could get a man to the moon in the 1960s, they should be able to get pizza ATMs close to all patriotic Americans in 2016.

By tomorrow, please. I’m getting a craving here.