On Saturday night, Miley
Virus Cyrus hosted Saturday Night Live, and, like I’ve done for the past 20 years, I didn’t watch it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t avoid their parody online of what the House Republicans might be doing during the government shutdown. As usual, it was an unfunny Miley dressed like herself (a slut) in a brown wig pretending to be Michele Bachmann while touching herself and writhing around on screen like the strumpet she is to a parody of her song “We Won’t Stop.” It also included some guy I don’t recognize pretending to be a very gay John Boehner dancing around in underwear and licking other men’s nipples.
We are currently living inside an issue of The Onion and all SNL can come up with is this? That wasn’t anywhere near as funny as it should have been. Obama spent money during a “crisis” when government employees are on furlough to erect a fence around the WWII memorial!
Meanwhile, this is going on in the border states where no one can be bothered to erect even a mediocre fence.
Now that is funny. To make it even more hilarious, the WWII vets decided to hell with the gates and moved them, and then security came back and wired the fences together! (Somebody please tell the federal government that these guys stormed Normandy. Wire clippers aren’t really a challenge.)
If that weren’t enough of a chuckle for SNL, Obama decided to close the ocean. No, really, the Florida Bay connected to the Atlantic. So 1,100 miles of ocean are off limits to you. No one at SNL sees potential for a skit here? Anyone? Here’s a chuckle. Desperate to dispel the “Obama closes the ocean” story, Politifact quickly rebutted Breitbart’s reporting by assuring its readers,
The national park closure does not mean that the entire ocean — whether in the Keys, the rest of Florida or elsewhere — is shut down. There are still spots in the Keys where tourists can go fishing or jump in for a swim.
Well, that’s a relief. The federal government says you can swim, folks! Just in case you were wondering. That reminds me, I need a bathroom break. Better call the White House! And yet no one at SNL found any of this part of the government shutdown amusing. In fact, they were so ignorant of actual hysterical events surrounding the shutdown of national parks that they made up a GOP orgy based on nothing but fantasy. I’m not a comedian but I like to think I know what’s funny, and someone should tell SNL the truth is always funnier than fiction.
I’m not done yet! If SNL staff writers would just read the headlines, they’d have material for the next six months! Here’s a doozy. The first black president ordered the shutdown of MLK’s dream. (Not Congress. Obama.) Maybe this really did come from The Onion. I can’t be sure anymore. It’s like parody and satire have died or merged into reality and I don’t know what to do! Help!
(I just checked and The Onion is for the very first time reporting real news since the regular media has taken over their job of printing absolutely crazy things that could never happen.)
A few days ago an actual parody piece with accompanying Photoshop came out suggesting that Obama was going to hover helicopters 24/7 holding a sheet to obscure the view of Mount Rushmore. Funny, right? (Certainly funnier than Miley twerking in her underwear.) That would have made a hilarious bit.
I could do a stand-up routine right now with no rehearsal that would bring down the house on this stuff (and I’ve never done it before), but SNL’s professional comedians, the best in the world, can’t come up with anything funnier than Miley Cyrus’s ass. I worry for this country, but I weep for the future of comedy.
It makes me long for the days of Phil Hartman and Dennis Miller. They knew how to really skewer a guy. I’ll leave you with the great Norm Macdonald doing what few comedians have the courage to do: zing the president without apology and go down in history as the guy who had the nerve to do it.
SNL writers? Cowards.