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The Morning Briefing: My Wuhan Joe Biden Election Conspiracy Theory

Scarlett Willa Wyden, the daughter of Sen. Ron Wyden (D-Ore.), looks at Vice President Joe Biden during a mock swearing-in ceremony in the Old Senate Chamber on Capitol Hill on Jan. 3, 2017. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Bear With Me Here…

Perhaps this idea has been floated out there by someone else already, but I haven’t seen it. This will come as no surprise to most of you, but I don’t read a lot of other writers’ stuff. Yes, I’m arrogant. I’m also fun, which is why we are all here every weekday morning. So this theory is new to me.

As I said in yesterday’s Briefing, I — and many others — believe that the mainstream media is whipping up the coronavirus hysteria for the sole purpose of damaging President Trump and throwing the election to the paste-eating slow boy Joe Biden.

I also truly believe that whipping up an unnecessary panic over the Wuhan flu is the only chance der Bidengaffer has of winning the election.

In the hours after I wrote that, the media seemed to turn up the hysterical volume on the coverage to eleven, and my mind began to wander about how all of this is going to play out.

With all the stars aligning behind Crazy Joe the Wonder Veep despite his inability to string together any number of words that form a sentence, I began to wonder how a Biden presidency played out in the heads of Democrats.

My new theory: it doesn’t.

They don’t really want this declining, drooling idiot to be president for four years. Four months, maybe.

The reason that the Democrats are actively cheering for their fellow citizens to become ill and have that illness tank the economy so even more of their fellow citizens become broke is that they are desperate to just grab the Oval Office first.

Because they’re awful, Biden is the least worst of the vehicles to get them there.

Here is where my conspiracy freak thing comes in.

I think they’d prefer to get the elderly white man into the White House with one of their preferred diversity candidates as his vice president. Once in, they can suddenly become aware of his cognitive decline and begin publicly expressing concerns about his health, all dutifully abetted by their flying monkeys in the media.

We’ve just been through over three years of the Democrats constantly questioning the mental competence of a Republican president and not being able to make it stick enough to get him out of office. Their chances of making it stick if they are doing the same with one of their own would most certainly be greater.

So…they get the village idiot elected and they balance out the White Patriarchy aspect by having Elizabeth Warren or Kamala Harris on the ticket with him. Then they manage to depose said idiot with a real version of the internal coup that they have longed for in the Trump administration and — YAHTZEE! — one of their unelectable shrews ascends to the throne.

Change my mind.

RIP Late Night Television

Yeah, yeah, I know it’s been dead for years, but I keep hoping that someone on late night television will stop the unsettling fanboi nonsense with Democratic politicians. All of the late night shows are cesspools of leftist clichés. They spent eight years doing the same Sarah Palin joke while the Lightbringer was in office. Now they have a nightly diaper-filling over ORANGE MAN BAD.

The latest late night folly has Mayor Pete doing a guest-host turn on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Yes, the same, personality-free Pete Buttigieg who just spent months boring Democratic voters to tears.

In the leftist fever-dream, this wet sock has some sort of entertainment value.

This is why I post so many old Carson clips here, to remember how truly great late night television once was.

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Bee Me

The Kruiser Kabana

Dude.

Far and away the greatest sitcom finale ever. Sure, he had to have two successful shows to pull it off, but that couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.

Still waiting to hear back from Club Med Wuhan to see if they’re ever going to rebook my trip.
___

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PJ Media Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author ofDon’t Let the Hippies ShowerandStraight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.”