Remember that old “motto” for the United States Postal Service (USPS)? "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds." The USPS has strayed so far from that statement that we might as well banish it from memory.
While it has never been an official “motto” of the USPS, the Postal Service does spell out its mission: “The Postal Service shall have as its basic function the obligation to provide postal services to bind the Nation together through the personal, educational, literary, and business correspondence of the people. It shall provide prompt, reliable, and efficient services to patrons in all areas and shall render postal services to all communities.”
Side Note: “Neither snow nor rain…” is an informal motto (the USPS website calls it a “tribute”) that’s inscribed on the James A. Farley Post Office Building in New York City. Wikipedia calls it the USPS “creed,” although even that designation isn’t official.
I’d like to suggest a new slogan: “We’re going to lose your friend’s birthday present. You’re welcome.”
Let me tell you about my latest experience with the USPS. My friend’s 30th birthday was a couple of weeks ago, and I ordered him a birthday present a few months ago. I won’t say what it is in case he reads this, but suffice it to say that it’s something that I can’t easily replace.
My friend lives about 35 minutes away from me. We get together fairly often, but I didn’t anticipate a time when we would see each other face-to-face, so I decided to mail it. The only problem was that I waited a little too late (so yeah, that part is on me). When I mailed the package, it cost me $9, and it was supposed to arrive the day after his birthday, which was a Friday.
He didn’t receive it; by the following Monday, the tracking showed no progress since Saturday. So I called USPS. It’s a nightmare to get the automated system to connect you with a human being, and when you answer yes or no questions, her favorite response is, “Sorry, I didn’t get that.” I found myself yelling “Representative” or “Agent” to get into a hold queue — finally.
My first hold experience was going to be 37 minutes, or I could put in my phone number and receive a return call. The agent called me back in less than two minutes. To give credit where credit is due, the callback feature was remarkable. Fast callbacks.
The first agent wasn’t helpful; she was condescending to boot. She did say that I could call back the next day and have USPS investigate the package. In the meantime, the tracking information stayed the same: no movement since the Saturday after it was supposed to have arrived.
Flashback: My USPS Experience Solidifies My Belief in Small Government
The next day, I called again and had to shout to get into the hold queue. An agent called me back in less than two minutes. This one was friendly and sympathetic, and she helped me initiate an investigation. She said someone would call me back in two days.
Fast forward to this week, and I hadn’t received a call about the investigation. So I decided to call back. Automated Lady told me that the investigation had been resolved — with no details.
“Do you have any questions about your investigation?” she asked.
“Yes,” I replied.
“Sorry, I didn’t get that,” she said.
A couple more times of saying, “yes,” and she finally put me in touch with the opportunity to get a callback. An agent called me back quickly, and she told me that the investigators didn’t find the package. I picture a couple of people walking into a room, saying, “Nope. Not here,” and closing the ticket.
This agent, who was super-nice, told me that I should file a Missing Mail Request. (I probably should’ve done that to begin with.) She walked me through the process and stayed on the phone with me until I received the email confirmation.
The Missing Mail Request should happen within 30 days — sooner if USPS finds the package. I’m not holding out much hope. My only recourse at that point is to get my money back from USPS on the insurance that came with shipping it.
Until then, Happy Birthday, Hunter. Eventually.
If this is how the feds handle birthday gifts, imagine what they’ll do with your prescriptions. My USPS nightmare is your reminder that bloated bureaucracy is never the answer.
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