Amen to That! Democrats Will Have to Change Hundreds of English Words if They Really Want to be 'Inclusive'

Rep. Ewomanuel Cleaver, Missouri Democrat, (I’ve taken the liberty of changing his name from “Emanuel” to remove any offensive reference to the males of of our species) lifted up the “prayer heard ’round the world” over the weekend. He closed it with the Shebrew word “amen,” but then added “a-woman” to be inclusive.

That’s not the end of the inclusive effort, or at least it shouldn’t be. Literally dozens of English words have “men” embedded in them. Many also have “him” and “he” embedded, including the always useful “heh.”

Let’s change that one to “sheh.”

It’s time to root those “men” out in the name of including all the genders.

Some of the words that must be changed to reflect our 2021 sensibilities are just so obvious I can’t believe no one thought of it before Rep. Cleaver provided enlightenment, sorry, enlightenwoment, to us all.

mentor

Duh. “MENtor” is so gender-specific. We must change it to “womentor” immediately.

menopause and hymen

Men have no ownership in either of these words. Some sexist must have come up with these terms. “Womenopause” and “hywomen” just make much more sense.

abdomen

What, women don’t have that soft middle part of the body? Why is science so gender normative? “Abdowomen” is much more inclusive.

meningitis

If you’re going to claim all the nice words such as “amen,” you have to take some not nice ones too. Women can get “womenningitis” the same as men, so they can take the name for it too. We don’t use it much anyway.

pigment

I don’t know who made this word up, but the formal word for color is offensive on multiple levels. They stuck a pig in there right alongside the men. That cannot have been an accident. It’s not even subliminal. It’s blatant. Henceforth, it shall be known as “swinewoment” just to be fair, and to be a little less harsh on our tasty, four-legged, bacon-making friends.

The Green New Deal Democrats are going to ban meat anyway.

monument

You see, words like this are why our society is so sexist. We even snuck “men” into the very word we use to describe statues (all of which should be toppled by mobs, of course) and other things we erect to honor others. Change has come, and such honors must now be called “monuwoments.” It’s only fair.

But they should all be toppled and vandalized, of course.

argument

Surely we men are not responsible for all the world’s arguments. Maybe half. Maybe even more than half. Ladies, you can have that word — “arguwoment” — and the kinetic discussions that it defines from now on. You’ll get no arguwoment from me.

I’m not going to do all the Democrats’ work for them. If they want to be inclusive, they should put in the time and change every word that some weasels snuck “men” into just to be putzes. Here are few to get them started. Feel free to provide more in the comments.

mental

vehement

government

nomenclature

impediment

And one of my old-school favorites,

discernment

English is full of hidden men. Get busy, Democrats! Once you start looking for all the dastardly “men” in words that have nothing whatsoever to do with gender, it just starts raining “men” everywhere.