The Real Reason Liberals Hate Us

Liberals hate us conservatives. They denigrate us, have paranoid fears about violence from us, and try to marginalize and silence us in any way possible. Some would say this is simply partisanship and that their fear of us is based merely on their desire to retain political power, but it is so much deeper than that.

Were liberals to flee to France as they always threaten when elections don’t turn out their way, they would still fixate on us and gnash their teeth and stomp their feet in anger at our every action. And were we conservatives to leave this planet and set up our own colony on Mars, not interfering with liberal machinations whatsoever, they would still stare up at us in the night sky (though some would actually be looking at the star Arcturus, because they’re not all versed in astronomy) and scream incoherent gibberish similar to what they say when we stand in front of them. That’s because it’s not because of how we inhibit them politically that liberals hate us; they hate us for our freedom.

We can see this in the current health care debate. Liberals argue they want to give everybody free health care — completely free! — and think this should be a simple argument to get people to hand over control to them and the government. They can almost feel that sweet, sweet government control in their grubby little hands, and it’s inconceivable to them that anyone would be against their generosity. But then the conservatives come and muddy the waters by bringing up the liberty issue. And the liberals react to it like a vampire to a cross (not that liberals react nicely to crosses either).

“No! Not liberty!” they screech. “Liberty means you die in the street without health care! Curse liberty! Those who want liberty are evil hatemongers! Nasty, nasty liberty! It burns!”

It’s such an affront to them for people to choose freedom over the gifts they bear. They don’t understand why we can’t be grateful to them for offering us free health care instead of focusing on how 1) what they offer is crappy and we don’t want it and 2) they forcefully take our money to pay for it. Plus, it’s such a personal insult to liberals that we would choose deciding for ourselves over their magnanimous offer to have their wisdom decide things for us. It’s almost like we don’t think they’re all geniuses — and we really don’t, because liberals are pretty much all useless idiots who can’t run their own lives, much less tell someone else how to run his.

But it’s not just the ingratitude for their faux-benevolence that causes their anger and hatred. Hatred comes from fear, and liberals fear whatever they can’t control. They fear not only the medical industry, but any industry out of government’s grasp. They just think of all those millions of jobs and products being made without their government in complete control of them and worry about what could happen without their guiding wisdom.

And you can try and reason with liberals, gently telling them, “You’re a complete and utter moron. Everything works a million times better without your idiotic meddling,” but this does very little to assuage their fears. They just think to themselves, “If only I could control everything through the government, we’d all be safe and secure.” And then liberals see the one thing between them and their goal — conservatives — and they lash out like a Chihuahua at shoelaces.

And it’s not just that we conservatives stand between them and government control. We also stir up fear and hatred in them by actually practicing liberty ourselves. For instance, liberals would almost — almost — be okay with us just thinking to ourselves that liberty is better than government control, but then we have the audacity to say it out loud. Liberals freak out at this, because they worry about such ideas spreading and more people wanting horrible, horrible freedom. So you can see how these ideas spreading to talk radio completely terrorizes liberals. No wonder they lash out and try to stop that with the Fairness Doctrine. But even worse, their monopoly on TV news ended with the emergence of Fox News. Now every moment of every day, they fear that more people are being influenced into accepting horrifying freedom, and all they can think about is some new feeble scheme to try and stop it.

Of course, speech isn’t the only scary freedom conservatives employ. We also like owning and even carrying guns. That’s unspeakably scary to a liberal. An individual — not under the direct control of their government — having such power? That’s the sort of liberty that makes them lose bladder control. They’re used to criminals having guns — that’s just what criminals do — but the thought of an honest citizen being armed is incomprehensible to them. And people lash out with fear and hate against what they don’t understand. As do liberals.

So that’s why liberals hate us — because we like freedom. Our rugged individualism is always going to be a direct threat to their sissy collectivism, and for that they shall continue to hate us and lash out at us. Being so useless themselves, they just don’t understand our wanting to take care of ourselves, and thus we see their screeching and general derangement.

So can conservatives and liberals learn to live together? No, not really, but it’s not like we can get rid of them. I mean, we could try putting out some PSA saying that playing in traffic reduces your carbon footprint, but I don’t think all of them would fall for it. But it’s good to note that the more we speak about freedom, the more scared liberals get. So if we all preach liberty enough, maybe they’ll all go away.