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Four Foolproof Ways to Solve the Illegal Immigrant Problem Virtually Overnight

AP Photo/Gerald Herbert

They all revolve around turning off the cash spigot.

Once the money disappears, so do the migrants.

Rats don’t come around where there’s no food.

Method 1: Shut down illegal migrants’ bank accounts

If we’re being generous, we can return the confiscated funds to their accounts that can’t be tied to illicit activities. However, with the caveat that the money will only be dispersed once they’re either in the process of being deported or already deported.

 In other words, whatever money they gained through honest labor and not welfare fraud or human trafficking, let them repurpose that to start their glorious new life in whatever s**thole country they came from.

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Method 2: Disincentivize welfare for illegals by leveraging federal funds

Although apparently Congress can’t be realistically counted on to literally do anything productive on behalf of its constituents, theoretically it could pass a law banning the dispersion of welfare funds by local or federal governments to illegal immigrants, with the stick being withholding federal funds that bankroll state welfare schemes for those jurisdictions in non-compliance.

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Method 3: Tax remittances at 100%

Illegal and legal immigrants alike funnel large amounts of money back to their home countries to support their families, or else for whatever nefarious purposes.

Did you know?

Eighty percent of so-called "Somali-Americans" in Minneapolis send remittances back to their actual home, Somalia, and 40% of Somalis depend on remittances from abroad for basic sustenance.

Can you hear the giant sucking sound? 

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Method 4: Prosecute employers of illegal labor

One can understand, in view of the material demands of life and basic incentives, migrants for wanting a better economic livelihood, even if it means breaking the law.

We can condemn them until the cows come home for crossing the border illegally, but, human nature being what it is, that’s what they’re going to do as long as there’s someone on the other end offering them more money than they could ever hope to make in their home country.

In order to really want to make a dent in the supply of illegal labor, the government will have to target the demand as well.

The obvious reason this won’t happen, of course, is that the largest employers of illegal immigrants are also the largest donors to both political parties, and so their interests get served first and foremost.

Where a conflict exists between popular will and the donor class, the donor class prevails. The house always wins, as they say.

Say what you want about the Chinese Communist Party, but they’re not at all gun-shy about tossing rogue billionaires in prison. The state isn’t subjugated by the billionaire class; the billionaire class is subjugated by the state. Is that a capitalistic policy? It’s not, but arguably in certain contexts, like this one, state domination produces superior results.

Each of the above remedies, except for the withholding of federal funds for states that give benefits to illegals, could likely be done without Congress.

The federal judiciary would certainly interfere in all of them, but isn’t there something to be said for the old college try?

Push these policies through and make the Democrats decry them.

Make the courts rule against them.

Then you’ve got the political ammunition you need to sell the physical ICE presence in the streets to all of the independents who are increasingly turning against current immigration policy.

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