Desiccated Fossil Joe Biden Launches Re-election Bid in Pre-dawn Video Release

AP Photo/Patrick Semansky

In a slick, cloying video, the faceless collective operating the Joe Biden Administration announced its intention to continue running America into the ground early Tuesday morning. Americans woke up to an ad titled “Joe Biden Launches His Campaign For President: Let’s Finish the Job,” revealing that the campaign theme will be “Let’s Finish the Job.” (Which job is that? If you answered “deconstructing the USA and replacing it with a declining, socialist, has-been nation,” you win a cigar.)


The putative president provided a slurry voiceover for the three-minute ad, though he himself only appeared in the video for seven seconds. The rest of the ad was divided between footage of scary “magger extremists,” as the alleged president derides half the country, and older footage of Biden along with Kamala Harris, Jill Biden, and a host of good, progressive Americans. There was even a one-second glimpse of Biden alongside Saint Barack of Obama, recalling the good ole days.

Since Democrats do nothing but raze norms these days, we shouldn’t be surprised that their figurehead announced their 2024 campaign in a cowardly pre-dawn video release rather than a raucous in-person live appearance, replete with flags, pounding music, and a thrilling balloon drop. If you still haven’t realized that the “leaders” the people “vote for” aren’t really doing the leading and that the American Left has become a headless monster, then I can’t help you.

At any rate, below is the text of the ad and the full video. You’ll want to check back with PJ Media throughout the day, as our talented roster of writers and analysts will doubtless have much to say regarding this development.

Welcome to Silly Season, everyone. Happy 2024!


Transcript of Biden voiceover in the re-election campaign announcement ad:


Personal freedom is fundamental to who we are as Americans. There’s nothing more important. Nothing more sacred. That’s been the work of my first term, to fight for our democracy. To protect our rights, to make sure that everyone in this country is treated equally and that everyone is given a fair shot at making it.

But you know, around the country, magger extremists are lining up to take on those bedrock freedoms, cutting Social Security that you paid for your entire life by cutting taxes for the very wealthy, dictating what health care decisions women can make, banning books, and telling people who they can love, all while making it more difficult for you to be able to vote.

When I ran for President four years ago, I said we’re in a battle for the soul of America. And we still are.

The question we’re facing is whether, in the years ahead, we have more freedom or less freedom, more rights or fewer. I know what I want the answer to be, and I think you do, too.

This is not a time to be complacent. That’s why I’m running for reelection. Because I know America. I know we’re good and decent people. I know we’re still a country that believes in honesty and respect, and treating each other with dignity. That we’re a nation where we give hate no safe harbor, we believe that everyone is equal, and everyone should be given a fair shot to succeed in this country.

Every generation Americans have faced the moment when they have to defend democracy. Stand up for our personal freedom. Stand up for the right to vote and our civil rights. And this is our moment.

So if you’re with me, go to and sign up. Let’s finish this job, I know we can. Because this as the United States of America, is nothing, simply nothing, we cannot do if we do it together.



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