Oh, come on, it’s not that bad! In fact, the first hour is pretty good. Batman broods, Superman ponders, Lois Lane takes a bath. People have fervent conversations about something or other. Aging movie stars turn up. There’s some great imagery. There’s even some decent condensed storytelling. And frankly, I always like Ben Affleck. If his political opinions are stupid, what’s that to me? Anyone who is swayed by an actor’s political opinions gets exactly what he deserves. He’s not as good an actor as his brother Casey, but he does a better square-jawed hero. For the first hour, I seriously thought: “This is gonna be great!”
Then the next forty-five minutes or so make no sense whatsoever. Everyone runs around with furrowed brows discussing stuff no one cares about. And Lex Luthor does things, though why, I can’t for the life of me say. In fact, a plausible motivation in this film would die of loneliness. Lois Lane gets rescued, like, about five times. There’s a good dream sequence in a tomb, and then a horrible dream sequence in a desert compound, then a completely incomprehensible dream sequence where a guy comes out of a computer. I mean, what the hell is going on? And where’s my seventeen dollars? Seventeen dollars???
Then — finally! — everyone fights with one another, which is pretty enjoyable. And there’s a monster, which is kind of cool. Then everyone is very serious and says stuff that sounds portentous. Then it’s over.
Seventeen dollars! Really, what the hell? But it’s not as bad as all that. I’ve seen worse.
[Update: I’ve been informed by people who should know that if you have read every DC comic for the last thirty years, many of the nonsensical scenes in the movie actually make sense. This in no way changes my opinion of the film.]