Klavan On The Culture

Satan Shmatan


Supporters of a yet-to-be-delivered baby’s right not to be freaking killed for Christ’s sweet sake are making a big fat hairy deal out of the fact that some abortion supporters outside the Texas State Capitol were recently heard to chant “Hail Satan!” while pro-lifers sang “Amazing Grace.” This is the sort of gotcha politics that cheapens the debate about whether or not to slaughter our children, and I think it’s only fair to hear the pro-choice explanation of what really happened.

Lucille Ferr of the pro-choice group Ban All Anti-Abortion Laws explained, “The chant was the result of right-wing plants or was ironic or was mis-represented or never happened. What’s more, insensitive conservatives have taken to social media to ridicule those in our organization handicapped with dyslexia, who clearly meant to chant, ‘Hail, Santa,’ in tribute to everyone’s favorite jolly elf, who lands on our rooftops every Holiday Eve, reaches his merry forceps down our chimneys, pulls out our children and dismembers them. Further, we see no reason to continue the wasteful and unsustainable practice of both aborting babies AND performing human sacrifices when the two practices can so easily be combined, thus ending an unwanted pregnancy while at the same time paying all homage to our Lord, the Eternal Prince of Darkness. In conclusion, let me just point out that your MOTHER SLEEPS WITH DONKEYS IN HELL!”

Miss Ferr later claimed she was misquoted because the interviewer was holding the microphone up in front of her — long after her head had rotated 180 degrees and was facing backwards. She then vomited green slime and spider-walked away.