The House of Democrats

Coming to a District of Columbia near you.
(Wikipedia Commons photo)

I had originally intended to file this story under “Your ♡bamaCare!!! Fail of the Day,” but there’s a deeper issue here which requires exploring. But first the details, as Senate Democrats are “begging” for yet another delay in implementing their president’s signature health coverage law:

A group of Democratic senators is urging the Obama administration to delay a key portion of Obamacare because the results could be “harmful and disruptive.”

In a letter exclusively obtained by The Daily Caller, Senate Democrats pleaded with Health and Human Services secretary Sylvia Matthews Burwell to delay an Obamacare rule change that puts companies with 51 to 100 employees in the costlier “small group” market instead of the “large group” market. The rule change, which will result in higher premiums for many companies, goes into effect in 2016.

The letter was signed by Democratic Sens. Claire McCaskill, Heidi Heitkamp, Chris Coons, Joe Manchin, Joe Donnelly and Jon Tester and independent Sen. Angus King, who caucuses with the Democrats.

The first thing that occurred to me was that eventually that law they voted for, that their president campaigned on, has to eventually take effect.

The second thing that occurred to me was, “Really? Why?”

The third thing that occurred to me was, if I may say so myself, brilliant.

Let me explain.

Democrats love passing laws — they live for that stuff. They don’t necessarily like all the unintended consequences of the laws they pass, but that’s OK, too. After all, bad old laws are a perfect excuse to pass bad new laws, and thus the Circle of Legislation continues ad infinitum, and endless delays, waivers and moratoriums mean never having to say you’re sorry.

All the trappings of power and none of the responsibilities? I say: Give them what they want.

Let’s amend the Constitution to establish a third branch of Congress — a House of Democrats. The House of Democrats can have as many members as Democrat voters are willing to send to Washington. Getting on the ballot for the House of Democrats is easy, as there is no minimum number of signatures required and none of them have to be valid. Any Democrat able to garner, say, 50,000 votes in their district, state, or across the country, will be awarded a seat in the House of Democrats. Cheating will not only be allowed, it will be encouraged, because Democrats love that, too.

We will construct a New Capitol Building just for the House of Democrats, ornate enough to make Louis XIV, the Sun King and builder of the Palace of Versailles, weep with envy. Salaries will be lavish with offices to match, and staffs will be huge — because Democrats love all that stuff as well.

Bills will move through the House of Democrats by ever-changing sets of arcane rules known at any given time only by a small and ever-changing set of Members. The same methods will be used to determine, un-determine, then re-determine HoD’s ethics rules. Ideally, the ethics code should be written so that any member may or may not be in violation of one of more rules at any given time. Being found in violation of said rules will be a prerequisite for holding a seat on the Ethics Committee. Punishment for ethics violations will consist of no fewer than three appearances on the Sunday morning chat shows.

Once passed, bills from the House of Democrats will be signed by the president in elaborate ceremonies including musical performances by Joan Baez, James Taylor, any remaining Beatles, and One Direction. Following the signing ceremony, the Permanent Committee to Investigate the Last Bill will invite Hollywood celebrities to testify about their latest movie, and hopefully they’ll bring a clip.

A new cabinet-level department, the Department of Bidding, shall be established to issue long and detailed reports on the glorious benefits of HoD legislation, and consideration should be made to have the new Department staffed entirely by Vox.com writers. Most may never notice any difference.

You may have noticed that I wrote, “bills from the House of Democrats will be signed by the president” and not, “bills from the House of Democrats will be signed into law by the president.” There’s a good reason for that, and the reason is HoD laws will, like important provisions of ♡bamaCare!!!, carry absolutely no legal weight whatsoever. No HoD laws shall result in any new programs, policies, regulations, mandates, spending, etc. We might, however, consider a provision in our amendment that Americans will still have the right to sue for or against HoD laws, because once again Democrats love that stuff. Other than that, legislation from the House of Democrats will exist almost entirely in a sort of political “virtual machine,” where it can do no real-world harm to the body politic of the nation.

Meanwhile, the actual legislative work of the nation will continue in the original two houses of Congress, represented by a friendly tri-partisan coalition of Republicans, libertarians, and RINOs. As a bonus, work done on the Old Capitol Hill will go largely ignored by the Mainstream Media, which naturally will find itself completely smitten with the House of Democrats.

You may protest at the cost of all these salaries and fancy buildings and ceremonies adding all up to naught, but surely the fake House would be far less expensive than the last time the Democrats held the real one.