The worst news you will read all day:

A new study published in JAMA Internal Medicine on the health effects of resveratrol – a compound found in red wine, dark chocolate and some fruits and vegetables – has generated a lot of sensational headlines.

“New study reports no health benefits from red wine and chocolate,” one headline proclaims. “Red wine and dark chocolate won’t save your life,” another declared.

On the other hand, a lavish bottle of California-style Zin and a few big chunks of dark chocolate can totally make an entire evening for you and yours. Maybe even an entire weekend, if you have enough bottles.

Live happy, for however long.