I’m the guy who invented live drunkblogging of political events, so far as I know, sometime in 2003 if memory serves. It happened quite accidentally because Andrew Sullivan had posted a State of the Union drinking game, where if Bush says this you take a shot, or if Congress stands up you take a shot, or if Cheney has a heart attack you take two shots. And I read the rules and I thought they were cute and all, but something dawned on me. I’d been watching SOTU addresses for 20-plus years, and if I were going to make it through another one, then screw playing games — just pour me a drink and keep them coming.

It was necessity being the motherf****** of invention.

But I’m not sure — and I am sure I’ve done more than a hundred drunkblogs in the intervening decade — that I’ve ever dreaded a political event more than I dread tonight’s speech.

I know it’s only fifteen minutes.

I’m pretty sure it won’t actually kill me.

But I also know, as I tweeted earlier today, that “usually it takes a lopsided military defeat to lose this much prestige and influence in just 48 hours. But no.” And so I’m not just drunkblogging some useless primetime television presidential address, of which Professor Ditherton Wiggleroom has given approximately 1,000,006 just on health care alone. It’s the culmination of the worst and most stupid American diplomacy since Eisenhower sided with Egypt over the Brits, French, and Israelis in 1956.

I’ll try to be light and frivolous and as pointedly stupid as usual, but mostly what I want to do is pull my shirt up over my head and shout “I’M NOT LISTENING” as soon as I switch the news back on.

Are you with me?

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