Don't Forget the Burritos

Blackfive, the “Paratrooper of Love,” has some advice for avoiding that New Year’s Day hangover:

Water will not help you. Many hangover cures claim that drinking water will cut the pain and agony of a dehydration headache resulting from drinking heavily. Now, I want you people to repeat these words: Water is for washing, booze is for drinking. Say it over and over again until it is ingrained in your memory. If someone offers you water, tell them you are thirsty, not dirty.

So far, so good. But what’s this third item about?

There are those blasphemers that believe that Cogeners are the cause. Evidently, cogeners are darker in color and, therefore, are found in darker beverages like scotch, whiskey, and rum. I have found that this “discovery” was fabricated by the Russian mafia in an effort to promote vodka as the drink of choice. This is obviously false as I have personally experienced more excruciating mornings as the result of vodka than scotch.

There’s room in any healthy diet for vodka and scotch. Can’t we all just get along — or at least a drink?