How to Survive the Inauguration If You Voted For Mitt Romney (Remember Him?)
January 16, 2013 - 1:30 pm
If you are one of the 60,928,981 Americans who voted for Mitt Romney last November, than the upcoming Inaugural events could be too gut-wrenching for you to endure.
As a Romney voter, you honestly believed that this nation could not survive four more years of “The One who will be inaugurated,” right?
And now you still believe that even more, right?
So here are some actions you can take to get through what the mainstream media will try to convince you is a “Royal Coronation,” the pride of all America, presided over by Beyonce and all her Hollywood pals.
1. Turn off all media.
2. Take long walks.
3. Go to the mountains. (if possible)
4. Go to the beach. (if possible)
5. Go camping. (if you live in a warmer climate)
6. Immerse yourself in nature anyway possible.
7. Pray for this nation.
8. Take a trip somewhere far, far away.
9. Help someone who needs your help (but does not have a working television.)
10. Visit a very large museum.
11. Read a good long book in a cabin by a stream.
12. Go shopping in large malls but avoid stores where they sell televisions.
13. Seek out other Romney voters for a comedy movie marathon.
14. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH TELEVISION.
15. If you must surf the web, only visit Drudge for a maximum of five minutes a day until “it” is over.
16. Try not to drink too heavily, but just enough to take the edge off until you can convince yourself that this nation will get through the next four years without economic collapse or without a meltdown that resembles Greece.
Now for those of you who live in the Washington D.C. metro area, you only have one choice and that is to leave town.
One Republican political consultant I know is escaping to the Sundance Film Festival. However, if that is not an option, get yourself on a plane heading somewhere warm, preferably to an island but any country where they do not speak English will do. For those on a lower budget, make your way south to a safe red state within driving distance.
A good alternative would be a relaxing trip to Rehoboth Beach (which is actually in the blue state of Delaware but very pleasant this time of year) or any of the beaches within a few hours drive of D.C. .
But if circumstances are such that you can not leave, just have a little bottle of Zoloft ready if you find yourself in a depressed state, banging your head against the wall yelling, “These people just don’t get it. These people just don’t get it.”
You are right, they just don’t get it but 60 million of us still do.