The first five Presidential Emergency Text Messages
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A new compulsory national emergency alert system was unveiled in New York today by Mayor Bloomberg. Under the new system, called PLAN,
“Presidential and local emergency messages as well as Amber Alerts would appear on cell phones equipped with special chips and software.”
The nation’s top cell phone carriers (Verizon and AT&T) are already signed on for the system, but users can opt out of receiving the local alerts and Amber alerts. However, no one will be able to opt out of the Presidential Alerts, which as a result will eventually become compulsory for all cell phone users nationwide:
Consumers would be able to opt out of all but those presidential messages.
The system is already rolling out in New York, and some New Yorkers have already reported receiving the first Emergency Alerts from President Obama.
The first five Presidential Emergency Text Messages:
May 10, 2011, 7:35am:
“Dude yelled ‘ALLAH ACKBAR’ while trying to break into the cockpit on a flight to San Francisco. Nothing to worry about, though — he was just looking for the toilet and really had to take a leak bad. Everybody stay calm.”May 10, 2011, 9:07am:
“Damn, that was a gutsy call I made on OBL. Don’t you agree? Gutsy.”May 10, 2011, 10:46am:
“Three-pointer from half court! Oh yeah. Maybe I’ll have the Secret Service upload a vid of the shot later. Nothing but net!”May 10, 2011, 12:14pm:
“DUCK AND COVER! Ha ha, just kidding. America is safe as long as the O-man is in charge!”May 10, 2011, 1:28pm:
“Anybody seen my 8-iron? I coulda swore I put it in the bag before tee-off.”
If you are one of the cell phone users already signed up for the presidential emergency alert system, please report new O-lerts here.
“Barack, Barack, bo Barack, Bonana fanna fo Farack, Fee fie mo Morack, Barack!”
“Step away from the tamale or Michelle will dance again.”
“DAMN! Another slice…”
“DAMN! Duck Hook…double off the Left Field Wall!”
“How many mulligans we allowing for today Joe?”
“Four feet a GIMME?
“Anybody had good luck with Grecian?”
“Anyone know where Ayman al-Zawahri is? Hit me back.”
“This Prez gig is da bomb. Cept when I hafta decide stuff. But no prob, Michelle does it for me.”
“Just chillin’ wit my 3 BFF’s…me, myself & I.
”
“Damn…just shot a 90. Time for a new set of Pings….call it health care equipment, charge Pentagon, get tax deduct (hee…hee…hee).”
90′s not bad for the front nine is it?
“Boehner wants to cut trillions to raise the debt? WTF? (Win The Future ed.) Who does he think he’s messin with, Clinton? I don’t think so Johnny boy.”
There is a big difference between demanding spending cuts to reduce the debt in order to agree to increase the debt ceiling so there will be no default on commitments. Boehner is trying to gt the debt reduced, not increased.
On HotAir someone pointed out that during 9/11 cell phone usage caused the networks to crash and nobody could get through.
If I could reply at HotAir I would say :
“finger on nose”
Shut down the internet and then the cell phones with a “Presidential Alert”.
“Shut down the internet and then the cell phones with a “Presidential Alert”.”
Uh…NO! That is exactly what Blackberry Barry wants. Control of the Internet (control of the cellphone network, too, would render him orgasmic).
“Da gubmint” already intrudes into our lives far too much. Why would we give them the means of cutting us off from the rest of the world. Lets not cede more of our souls to them!
Blame “Big Telephone”, take over all private communication industries and call it a job well done. GM and Chrysler anyone?
Cannot opt out? You wanna bet? Let us see that there contract. Looks like it is time to get another carrier. Opt out with your wallets.
How stupid are these businesses that they would go along with such nonsense? Do not allow your businesses to be politicized. The moment you do, you lose a bug chunk of your customers who are on the other side.
Contact your carrier. Let them know. “No, you can’t.”
Yes, they can, or they lose their common carrier status.
Right; The air waves they use are licensed to them by the Fed’s.
There is a requirement that (according to CBS) “…starting next year, all cell phones will be required to have the chip that receives alerts.” The Messiah wants to be sure that NOBODY misses his pronouncements. I think it’s a safe bet that a helluva lot of thinly disguised (at best) campaign messages will be sent out as “emergency alerts” in 2012.
I can opt out. It’s called an “off” button. Or, at the very least, a “delete” button. Since I don’t have cable or satellite TV reception, I can always watch what I want, when I want and can turn it off the moment the big ZERO comes on. They can talk all they want. I might even hear them, as I would an annoying insect, but listening is still optional.
*edit* The “off” button works for cellphones too. But “delete” is sufficient. And, on another note, when this system is in place and there’s a republican president, will that 46% of the “peep”-ulation want it rescinded? You bet your sweet a** they will!
Two points to make:
1. If I do get an unsolicited PrezMez, I’m going to reply to it. Lots of people will. And then the server that sent it out will get clogged up. And, uh, how many cell phones are there in this nation? That’s a lot of replies!
2. The Central Planning Committee will never learn: Centralization is bad for security on any level, as it reduces the vulnerabilities to a single point of failure. If it can transmit to the outside, then it is also vulnerable from the outside. It will take only one evil-doer, finding one hole in the system, to induce mass panic.
Bad idea all around. But these idiots in Washington will never learn.
All the polite people should reply “Thank You. Mr (or Mrs) President”
PS, Will the Liberals enjoy their messages from a Conservative President?
We already have Emergency Alert Systems on broadcast radio.
Oh and another thing: Ask Australia how well those text messages worked for them during the Brisbane flooding a few months ago. The text message broadcast clogged up the system for HOURS, so that nothing else could get said.
I might have to resort to using a CB radio…
Rather than CB, look into becoming an amateur radio operator. More bands available, so more chances of getting your message out to someone else.
In the US, the ARRL (Amateur Radio Relay League) is a good place to start. If you’re in another nation, check for your national amateur radio organization… most countries have one.
Are they really thinking this system can’t be hacked? What if a hacker sends out a message that the country is under attack? Or maybe a hacker that sends a text that the election has been suspended due to national security.
This could turn into a disaster in a big hurry.
But that could be a plus for this bunch.
Remember, Cloward-Piven/Alinsky/Ayers/Manson/Lenin… are ALL ABOUT THE CHAOS.
Chaos for its own sake, AND chaos as opportunity.
Yep
I think I could figure out what would qualify as an emergency message locally, but nationally? What could happen where the president would need to send a message to EVERYONE? And, wasn’t it the Dems who, in 2008, criticized the Bush and the Republicans for trying to scare everybody about this national security stuff?
First the mandatory health insurance…now the mandatory text messages from the president. What’s next?
Mandatory revolution.
Mandatory Islam.
Uh, the terrorists, er, misguided people with weak bladders, use cell phones too.
Dear Lord, we’re living in an awful Roman farce.
This is just so stupid that words evade me (at least ones I can type here).
Fraught with problems? Oh H*ll yes.
And on top of it I will probably have to pay to receive it. More money eventually ending up in dim coffers?
Do any dims thing anything through anymore? Or just squirt into law whatever feels good at the moment?
Sheesh…
To answer your last question: No. They don’t “think things through”. They can’t. Weren’t born with that gene and haven’t lived long enough to develop it, yet. And boy, will they be embarrassed by what they’ve done once they do.
These people ARE all the old Sixties radicals, after all, and this is what happens when you put ‘em in charge.
Part of it is the adolescent rebellion that they never grew out of it, and part of it is (at least, in Barry’s case) long-term-drug-use-related loss of gray matter.
The sixth presidential tweet might read:
THNTDWI IIAROP TPI TVMOMAP WANAWWIOM NGBTSASWWTAI.
Translation:
This has nothing to do with Islam” = THNTDWI
“Islam is a religion of peace” = IIAROP
“Terrorists pervert Islam” = TPI
“The vast majority of Muslims are peaceful” = TVMOMAP.
“We are not at war with Islam or Muslims” = WANAWWIOM
“Now go back to sleep and shutup – We won’t tolerate any Islamophobia!” =NGBTSASWWTAI
I predicted this – 12 years ago, using sodium pentathol on myself and locking myself in a cage full of scorpions to make sure I talked.
And you didn’t.
It was child’s play really. I give myself full credit.
And not you.
Or anyone else.
HUH???
Maybe I just haven’t had enough coffee yet today, but I can’t for the life of me figure out WTF you’re saying here.
Explain, please?
Do not attempt to adjust your phone.
We control the vertical. We control the horizontal.
Oh, oops, wrong script!
Ah, found it now….
WE control YOU! Got it! Good!!
End of discussion, end of message.
Please report to the Happy Land transition center for Solyent Green processing.
That is all.
“Don’t forget, people: Bush lied, people died! We don’t want to go back to that. So vote for me next year. Because I’m awesome, and suave, and oh so debonair. You know you want a piece of this.”
And what about people who don’t have cell phones, or don’t have text messaging? And by the way, will our carriers charge us $0.10/message for whatever inanity the president thinks he needs to tell us? It’s a stupid idea all around.
Big Bother [sic] on my cellphone.
Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. We are Borg.
“This is a presidential emergency: Due to a train wreck of an economy all bank accounts of all citizens will electronically be withdrawn to a fair and proportional level to cover your debt. Also since bipartisan cooperation does not favor increased stimulus spending, by executive order, the house will no longer be allowed to set the budget. This is how we will win the future. Thank you and have a nice day.”
Text messaging can be blocked on my phone. I can turn it on and off at will. And removing the battery makes the thing useless.
Wish I could remove Barry’s battery. But, that would be redundant anyway; He’s useless as he is.
Hey, I wish he WAS useless. Useless things are, well, useless.. serve NO purpose. Unfortunatly (thanks, all you delusional voters who PUT him there) he is WORSE than useless, having amply proven himself functional at making more of a mess of things than was the case prior to his accession to the throne. Useless, for him, would be an improvement. A welcome one.
First five messages from BHO:
5. If you’re rich, contact the IRS immediately to pay your fair share. You know who you are. Double for you, Trump. Romney too.
4. Reggie? You know when you, uh, you know…yikes. Damn, where’s my blackberry?
3. Eat more vegetables! Hahaha, that message was from Michelle.
2. Make your donation today! Go to gutsycall….
1. Today, my 37 czars have taken action to suspend the Electoral College.
Hungary has voted a new Constitution: gay marriage is off and so is abortion at any time. The Hungarian Constitution recognizes life begins at conception.
Hear! Hear! More information in this link.
May be we should text this to all the US. There are gutsy Europeans in the land of Mindszenty and Attila the Hun.
First five messages: (all actual quotes, source colony14.net)
1. I mean, I do think at a certain point you’ve made enough money.
2. Under my plan of a cap-and-trade system, electricity rates would necessarily skyrocket.
3. I am still a Muslim, the son of a Muslim father, the stepson of a Muslim stepfather, my half brothers in Kenya are Muslims, and I am sympathetic towards the Muslim agenda.
4. Saya seorang indonesia (I am an Indonesian)
5. I solemnly swear [or affirm] that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.
What could be scarier, or more of an emergency, that what he has already said?
Gee, did anyone else see that flash?
(dead air)
Doesn’t airplane mode turn off all radios in your cell phone. This is a bleg.
You have to yanking my chain! Can anyone cry wolf! Wolf!
This is something small, something the Goobermint says we must buy and it reaches across all State lines. Sure, you may not have a phone but when you do you’d be forced to buy this feature. Sound familiar? Another precedent?
I say Bugger off Jug Ears and try clamping down on that tamale eating wookie. As a business owner I will switch to a phone system that lets me avoid this intrusion.
“Nananananana, leader…”
Um, Mr. President, the folks from the Sony Playstation Network would like to have a word with you about network security.
It might almost be worth it to see the One’s Twit-Picks.
I demand an opt out, we have the legal right to block the calls and messages.
So like, now we’re all subject to a Twitter feed from someone we rush to change the channel on?
1. “Hey everyone, got my real birth certificate today!”
2. “damn – I’m Jewish!”
Is the plan to clog up the lines so that in an emergency there is no way for communication? The system we have is good enough! Maybe we should start billing the government $5 for each unwanted and unsolicited text we get from them.
I HAVE To Pay for all types of messages going in and going out of my phone. I do not need this to tell me if there is an issue going on around me.
As far as the Amber alerts….it is sad the child is missing, but again I do not need this and do not want this on my phone. The radio stations and T. V. stations do a great enough job on their own.
Whom is going to pay my bill for messages that I do not want and most certainly do not need?
I don’t trust the government to put a chip in my cell phone for any reason whatsoever, especially the current marxist bozo’s. Think it wouldn’t lead to control of some kind considering they are currently attempting to assert control over us now in every way possible?
I am feeling VERY SICK over this… Taking over the airwaves by the Government PREVENTS you from using the device (cell phone) because the Government can “flood” the system, your cell phone is now useless! You cannot call out because the “government mandatory chip” has seized control, you can only receive what the Government wants you to receive.
You can’t coordinate, you can’t send a live video feed to someone outside the “area” to let the world know what is going on. You can’t skype, twitter, or use any sort of social media.
It is the “outer limits” for real. They have control.
Robo-calls and messages go on and on, there is no break, there is no “free second” to contact anyone.
This is very scary indeed. Maybe time I considered visiting distant relatives in Canada… Now that they are starting to wake up.
Time to pull the plug on these Marxist control freaks!
Man is Blooomberg gonna be mad when he realizes his staff messed up his speeches and this one was supposed to have gone out the first of last month.
I’m having my phone set up with a response that says “Go f+++ yourself” any time I get an unsolicited message from whitehouse.gov.
This regime already believes they have a monarchy in the U.S. A decisive defeat in 2012 is necessary to send the message that the United States intends to remain a Republic.
It’s not about a message from the prez. It all about tracking your movements, and anyone that thinks it isn’t is simply not following the determination of this bunch of american haters to control our every move. Electric cars, cut mobility, implants in cell phones, monitor movement. Internet “neutrality”, ability to shut down and monitor internet chatter. TSA, you vill like the showers. The list goes on and on. Demonize and demoralize the military. PC, censorship by another name.
BHO got the idea for this for the Stephen King book, Cell. The first alert will be a “pulse” which will render the receiver a mindles Obama drone. I know it will work, because it was tested in 2008.
Buy guns cause were gone need them.
Enough!!! Enough of this damned administration poking into our lives (and wallets) in their thinly veiled attempt to gain control over every aspect of our lives. I will not have any chip in my phone connecting me to the president (liberal or conservative). I got by without one for a long time and can do so again. We ALL can. What’s next? Making ownership of a government controlled cell phone madatory like obamacare?
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