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5 Ways to Avoid Dating Jerks

Break the jerk-dating cycle.

by
Hannah Sternberg

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July 20, 2014 - 8:00 am
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I’ve heard it plenty of times before: friends tell me all men are jerks and they just can’t seem to find and keep a good guy. Maybe part of it is fate, but a much bigger part is your picker — your internal sense of who’s a suitable companion for you. If more of my friends (and anyone else out there who bemoans the infestation of jerks in their dating lives) followed these simple rules right at the start of a relationship — in the choosing phase — they’d discover that the problem isn’t that all men are a**holes, but simply that too many of us choose to date someone who’s wrong for us for too long, making ourselves unavailable when the right guy comes along, and building resentment and bad feelings toward each other along the way. These rules go both ways — any man can (and should) follow them if he feels he often dates women who don’t behave well toward him. Since most appeals for advice on this subject that I’ve received have come from straight women, I’ve assigned gender pronouns accordingly — but the ideas are universally applicable. Check out these five mind-bogglingly simple steps to avoid your next dating disaster.

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Top Rated Comments   
It's interesting that women typically choose 'jerks', that they find 'nice guys' boring.

Then they complain how all men are 'jerks'.

I don't think the problem here is with the men......
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
Spot on. Feminism, unfortunately, has done more harm than good. There are gender roles that serve to smooth out the path, rather than muddle it, if only people would stop to think it through. Men & women are different; it's a fact of life.
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
Hey ladies. You want one simple rule for avoiding dating jerks? Learn how to deal with loneliness from time to time. I have observed that many attractive young women have an inordinate fear of loneliness so pronounced they will bed total jerks not worthy of them. It's a sad commentary on an unintended consequence of feminism.
You know what else will help? End the war against men and manhood. Many more males than ever do not act like men because they're not expected to.
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (47)
All Comments   (47)
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Get help from friends and others. I met my wife through a Dinner Club for singles. The dinners were decent but there were no real romantic connections, however one of the facilitators got to know us each from (different) dinners and set us up.

Others can sometimes see you better than you see yourself. That's a cliche but it is also true.
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
I used to work in an office where I was the only guy among 12 women.

They would stand around the coffee machine and complain about what jerks men were, then wonder why they couldn't find dates. I wouldn't have dated any of them if you hit me with a cattle prod.

Your advice, "be the person you want to date" is sound. The last person in the world that I would want to date is an embittered man-hater.

13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
I'd like to think I'm not a jerk. I'm also single. So I know it's a long shot but..well..I'm single. I'm respectful. I work hard. I know how to have a good time. I'm a little awkward sometimes but I'd like to think I'm a pretty decent guy. So...anyone?
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
Get into some activity (other than the bar scene & dating websites) that involves a large group of people, such as bowling leagues, softball leagues, ski clubs & volunteer groups, where there is a common interest not focused on dating. These types of things offer the best ways to meet people, IMO.
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
Ah, there's part of the answer to your other question!

13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
Well, yes & no. The above, like I said, serves as the best way to get exposure to people & open up opportunities to make friends. Dating is still a process though that leads the way to a committed relationship.
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
Men are constantly being portrayed as bumbling, fumbling morons and jerks. You can see it all day long on TV commercials where men are made to appear as if they are unable to screw in a light bulb. So naturally they act that way. Even young boys are being indoctrinated in school about how they should behave and manliness is not very high on the list. Being a sensitive metrosexual is kind of confusing for most guys whose natural instinct is to be bold, outspoken and in charge. I've been married for 34 years so maybe I just don't understand men and women these days but I'm sure glad I don't have to worry about dating.
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
You speak of one feature among several that has been introduced by feminism: Social & psychological emasculation of men. It's disgusting.
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
I think men and women have different ideas of what constitutes successful dating. I never read about men being upset that they keep finding physically attractive women who turn out to have huge personality flaws later after a couple months of great sex. What men care about is if their efforts result in sex or not. As long as acting like a jerk is rewarded with sex, men will act like jerks. If acting like a nice guy worked, guys would do that. Men just repeat whatever behavior was rewarded in the past.
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
It's interesting that women typically choose 'jerks', that they find 'nice guys' boring.

Then they complain how all men are 'jerks'.

I don't think the problem here is with the men......
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
All in all I think the article was well done, and I don't understand the criticism.

For my part, I too got the point where I realized that my "chooser" was busted. My solution was prayer. I gave up trying to pick on my own, and prayed. And then I waited until I got the green light.

The next woman I dated became my wife, and we are about to celebate 10 years. We still feel like we are newlyweds. "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
Identical to my experience, except that we celebrated our 31st anniversary this past April.
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
Don't think so much and assume other people are as nice as you are and you'll be fine. People know when they're being scanned by some moron. There's a reason submarines have sonar and it's not a mating call for a relationship. If someone's pinging me for weakness I'd be saying "who the heck are you?"
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
The reason why women keep dating jerks is because women are biologically wired to desire the sociosexual traits many "jerk" men have. As surely as men are biologically wired to desire youth and beauty. We are able to overcome our wiring through conscious awareness of what's "best" for us, but that does not change the facts.
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
Perhaps. But I would counter-propose that women who date jerks do so because they don't understand the importance of marrying a godly man, or perhaps there aren't enough godly men to go around, or some combination of the two. In both cases, they're settling for fool's gold.

It's like the difference between Don Juan and Thomas More.
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
Just what is the feminine of JERK?
Jerkette?
Whatever it is, I've met more than my fair share of them. And 1st wife was a card carrying member.
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
Feminine for "jerk"? I think it's the "b" word.
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
Bossy!! haha
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
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