Crabby Old Man Jimmy Carter Is Convinced The NSA Goes Through His Emails
He also wants you kids to turn your music down and get off his lawn.
March 27, 2014 - 2:00 pm
Former president Jimmy Carter continues to be a
treasure national embarrassment. The Georgia governor (how it pains me to say that) turned president has turned into the crabby old man of ex-presidents. He has now publicly admitted that he is convinced the NSA is going through his emails.
Former President Jimmy Carter told NBC’s Meet the Press on Sunday that he has his own system to avoiding being monitored by the National Security Agency, which is under scrutiny following leaks from its former contractor Edward Snowden: “When I want to communicate with a foreign leader privately, I would type or write the letter myself, put it in the post office and mail it.” He added that the spy agency had abused its authority.
He also later admitted that he would be open to granting Snowden a pardon.
What does he think the NSA agents sit around doing all day?
“Hey guys, look at what Jimmy Carter ordered on Amazon! A book on killer rabbits!”
“Oh look, it’s a fundraising letter from his grandson’s futile campaign for governor of Georgia.”
“Mahmoud Abbas just forwarded him the same chain email Evo Morales sent him last week.”
And I just imagine all the world’s leaders wait by the mailbox for the next round of letters from Jimmy Carter:
Assistant: Mr. Prime Minister, you’ve just received a letter from Jimmy Carter. He wants to monitor the next election.
Prime Minister: Wait, did he actually use a typewriter to compose this?
Assistant: Yes sir, I believe so.
Prime Minister: (sighs) Well, just put it in that pile of junk mail over there.
President Carter, it’s true that the NSA’s overreach is an outrage – that’s one of the precious few things you and I can agree on. But you may have gone a little kooky to think that you’re a specific target of the agency. So, put away the Smith Corona - unless what you’re emailing about is dangerous enough to warrant the NSA’s attention. Knowing your politics, that could well be the case.
Oh, and we promise to stay out of your yard.