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The Death of Masculinity

Grumpy house cat 1, man 0

by
Megan Fox

Bio

March 12, 2014 - 3:45 pm

mammoth

 

I’ll remember it forever as the day masculinity died, like the day the music died in a plane crash or the day Happy Days died when the Fonz jumped a shark on skis. On March 9, 2014, a man, Lee Palmer, a member of the human race known for taming tigers, building skyscrapers, leaping off tall things, and creating something out of nothing, called 911 because his house cat had trapped him and his family in a bedroom. He called police to rescue him and his family from this dire situation (a 22 lb. cat with an attitude problem). This cat had attacked his 7-month-old child and this man’s response was to run with the child and his wife into a room and lock the door (with the dog).

There is now every reason to believe that humanity is on a downward spiral. That a grown man feels it’s the right decision to call the police on his pet instead of taking a few scratches for the family and protecting his brood by himself proves we’re all too reliant on government. It is so bad that if the government were to suffer some sort of fatal malfunction and cease to exist tomorrow, most of us would die. Cat Boy would be first. Perhaps it’s the War on Men Camille Paglia has written about or perhaps testosterone is being sucked out of human males by the excess fluoride in the water. Whatever it is, it’s disturbing!

This is one of those times you hope people who have passed on have no knowledge of what is happening on earth. Imagine the disgust and embarrassment of our ancestors who once battled mastodons (and ate them). Palmer wouldn’t survive glamping. My suggestion is for a new reality show where we put Cat Boy and Pajama Boy and any other incapable millennial male (sorry, but it’s mostly your generation who can’t take care of yourselves or anyone else) and put them on a Survivor-type reality show but actually let them starve to death or be eaten by animals (or angry cats) if they aren’t smart enough to live.

It’s times like these I’m grateful for the real men still left. They may be a dying breed, but I’m grateful nonetheless. Here’s to you hunters, fishers, fixers, and wrestlers. Women may complain about your uncouth behavior or excess body hair, but it’s infinitely preferable to being stuck in a room with a “guy” who can’t fight off a cat.

Megan Fox is a homeschooling mom to her two girls ages 8 and 5 with a little boy on the way this summer and happy wife to her husband of fourteen years. She writes, gardens, composes conservative folk music and enjoys angering "faux feminists" as often as possible. www.Facebook.com/MeganFoxWriter

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Top Rated Comments   
I'm much too busy being embarrassed to be in the same species as Obama to worry much about some guy afraid of some cat.
19 weeks ago
19 weeks ago Link To Comment
Of all God's creatures, there is only one that can not be made slave to the lash, and that one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.
- Mark Twain
19 weeks ago
19 weeks ago Link To Comment
Eric Cartman taught us years ago how to deal with similar situations: you take a stick, smack them on the head, and say "Bad Mr. Kitteh!" Show em who's boss, make em respect your authoritah.
19 weeks ago
19 weeks ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (142)
All Comments   (142)
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OMG. It is the apocalypse because one silly man was afraid of a cat. The culture is very far from being feminized, fellow critters. See http://clarespark.com/2014/03/08/america-is-in-decline-cui-bono/.
18 weeks ago
18 weeks ago Link To Comment
Thank god there are still women brave enough to beach about anything and blame it on men not being men.
18 weeks ago
18 weeks ago Link To Comment
Megan, be nice! You're going to make him cry! ;-)
19 weeks ago
19 weeks ago Link To Comment
The wife and the husband hid like little girls. Don't forget the cowardly wife.
19 weeks ago
19 weeks ago Link To Comment
The story of a pussy and his cat. This boy is an embarrassment to manhood.

Throw a blanket over it's head, take it out back and shoot it. Problem solved.
19 weeks ago
19 weeks ago Link To Comment
Reading that story is sickening. That much coward concentrated in one human is just disgusting.

So, what does a man do if such a creature attacks his child?

He kills said creature. Quickly, and without stopping to worry about the injuries he might receive. If a weapon is handy, he uses it, because manly does not mean stupid. If no weapon is handy, he gets in there and gets himself bloodied while killing said creature.


Oh, and for the record, I have been attacked by a large cat who was seriously upset. It was a surprise attack. No warning. I got bitten and scratched on my hands, arms, chest and abdomen. Soap and water and disinfectant stings like the dickens when it's rubbed into cat scratches.

The cat did not survive the encounter.

I was a skinny junior high school kid at the time.

19 weeks ago
19 weeks ago Link To Comment
Look for this story on an upcoming episode of "Portlandia"!!
19 weeks ago
19 weeks ago Link To Comment
He's definitely an obama voter! Probably wearing plaid pajamas, too!
19 weeks ago
19 weeks ago Link To Comment
What a pussy (no pun intended).

What really happened:

The kid pulled the cats tail, whiskers, or fur. Cat smacked him in the face.
19 weeks ago
19 weeks ago Link To Comment
On the other hand...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00f0xy8

NB: that clip comes from Kenya. You are welcome to your own conclusions about Obama's ancestry.
19 weeks ago
19 weeks ago Link To Comment
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