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Careerzillas Are Bad for Women

Stop asking for a party for everything.

by
Hannah Sternberg

Bio

February 5, 2014 - 9:00 am
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You know that article that’s been going around, about how we should stop throwing bridal showers and baby showers, and throw more parties to celebrate women when they get promotions, travel somewhere cool, or pass an educational milestone?

If you’re asking “which one?” it’s because that seems to be all the internet can talk about lately: the Non-Traditional Female Achievement Shower, or how women should be celebrated more often for all the stuff they do before getting married and starting a family.

The argument is, roughly, that women have been feted for centuries for getting married and having babies, but if we want to encourage female achievement, we should throw women Promotion Showers and New Job Parties instead. One blogger even argues she should get a party for backpacking across Asia.

This is in the name of equality (because, as you know, men have been getting special parties all along). Oh, you haven’t recently attended a party to celebrate the fact that one of your male friends completed a backpacking trip? Maybe because that’s not a thing. Okay, it is a thing, and that thing is called a “welcome home party,” and I’m only going to throw you one if I haven’t seen you in, like, five years. I’ve successfully returned from vacation many times without mourning the lack of a party to greet me.

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Top Rated Comments   
I'm about to retire after a long career in the Air Force. Looking back, the most important thing I did with my life is to have kids. This is the only thing I will leave behind. All my personal accomplishments, travels, etc means squat when I'm gone, just a lot of pictures in photo albums. I don't even have an "I love me" wall full of diplomas and awards.

My wife had a job, not a career. She gave it up to take care and raise our kids. I used to say she had the most important job. I just brought home the bacon.

I have several friends that remain childless, they tried. Could not have kids. Others are professionnal couples, DINKs (Double income no kids). I wonder what they will leave behind. Many pictures of hiking through the Yukon no doubt.

Have fun with you Careers, women. Hope you like cats.
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (16)
All Comments   (16)
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Wow, lots of savagery here.

The point of a shower for Brides and new Moms is practical, not greedy or sexist or even to 'celebrate an accomplishment.' Back in the dark ages (by which I mean until the 80's) when people often lived with their parents until marriage, setting up a household on a modest income was difficult and people gave Brides and newlyweds practical household gifts to help them get started because it was needed. The same with first children -- showers are practical helps to gather everything necessary for a baby, much of which can be reused for more children. BAck when you had to make all your baby clothes or household linens by hand, you really needed your friends help creating enough garments to get by. There is no vast conspiracy to make others feel bad if they're single with no kids!

I'm sorry, but a promotion just isn't the same kind of life change needing tons of things you didn't need before. Have a party for it, sure, but don't ask for gifts. And if you can afford a fun trip, that's wonderful. Most of us can't, so your trip is your celebration, and you can count your friends nice enough if they actually want to see your photos and hear about what a great adventure you had.

Graduations are already considered party and gift worthy in our culture, and women always get them too, so there is no point whining about celebrating that as opposed to marriage or birth. Again, no vast conspiracy.
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
My neighbor's ex-wife makes $84 /hr on the computer . She has been without work for six months but last month her pay was $15259 just working on the computer for a few hours. Visit Website>>>>>>>>>> x.co/3qcdA
36 weeks ago
36 weeks ago Link To Comment
you're missing the whole point here -- it's not the PARTY per se tht's important, it's the GIFTS you can con people into giving you. That's what a shower is, or a Bar Mitzvah or a graduation party. It's that whole liberal "it takes a village" mindset so that if the entitled daughter of my friend gets her ass fired, and decides to become a Mrs. and a mommy, then, of course, she needs some financial help in her new role. So my friend, her mother, throws her a graduation party (bring a gift), a bridal shower (she is registered here and here and here), and a baby shower (she will really need a diaper service or a very nice bassinette would also be appreciated).

Doubtless if said daughter had managed to hang on to her job and stay employed, my friend, her mother, *would* have thrown her a Promotion Party because every one needs a Vuitton briefcase or a Mt. Blanc pen as they start their trek up the career ladder.
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
I traveled through Asia and no one threw a party for me. It’s not because I’m a woman. It’s because (rightfully) absolutely no one gives a hoot about my Very Special Moment unless I used it to do something special for them, too. And I like it that way.

Exactly right! Bravo for making that key point!
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
This a case of apples and oranges. Strictly speaking, getting married and having children are not accomplishments, in the same way as a promtion to a higher postion, and they are not celebrated as such. They are changes of status, markers along the path of life. What we celebrate, as most cultures have done, is the change of life these events signify. "Accomplishment" in the career sense, simply does not apply here.
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
I'm about to retire after a long career in the Air Force. Looking back, the most important thing I did with my life is to have kids. This is the only thing I will leave behind. All my personal accomplishments, travels, etc means squat when I'm gone, just a lot of pictures in photo albums. I don't even have an "I love me" wall full of diplomas and awards.

My wife had a job, not a career. She gave it up to take care and raise our kids. I used to say she had the most important job. I just brought home the bacon.

I have several friends that remain childless, they tried. Could not have kids. Others are professionnal couples, DINKs (Double income no kids). I wonder what they will leave behind. Many pictures of hiking through the Yukon no doubt.

Have fun with you Careers, women. Hope you like cats.
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
When my kids thank me for doing something, my response is usually "It's my pleasure entirely." I only hope that one day they'll get to experience what I mean.
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
Women seem to think the most important thing in the world is to keep them happy. This navel gazing is rather one sided don't you think?
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
Forget about the Patriarchy; beware the insidiousness of the new Matriarchy.

Oh, they don't hold you down or anything. They just make you feel displeased with every aspect of your life.
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
I wouldn't read to much into this throwing parties thing. Americans are great drinkers and will throw a party for pretty much anything. In fact life is one great party.

The funny thing about drinking is that, although bloggers will write posts about loose dirt and left-handed monkeys, they never talk about the elephant in the room. So the next time a feminist bothers you, give them an AA pamphlet and ask them when they're going to do a Million Sisters March on Washington to sign up for the draft. I have examined my privilege and determined I could use a break from my privilege.
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
I wouldn't read to much into this throwing parties thing. Americans are great drinkers and will throw a party for pretty much anything. In fact life is one great party.


I think science fiction Spider Robinson got it right in his Callahan's series (which is a sort of intergalactic Cheers for those who haven't read any of the books): Shared pain is lessened and shared joy increased.
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
I think it's funny how often one can read between the lines (and has to) to understand how many bloggers drink but don't really want to discuss it at any length, given their propensity to write about everything else under the sun.

It matches my own experience that a phenomenal number of Americans are straight up alcoholics, or, in other lingo, drug addicts. The fact they would so often lecture their kids in the '60s and '70s about the far less harmful marijuana makes it funnier. Smoke weed every day for 15 years as opposed to white lightning every day for 15 years and the difference is that between nothing and a train wreck, if not suicide.
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
FWIW, I've been to many "dry" celebrations -- of personal and career milestones -- depending on the preference of the person being celebrated. But if you want to hear more about how this blogger drinks, I can do some cocktail posts for you!
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
Thank you Hannah, that was too much cable TV for me! I am so happy my paycheck is not dependent on any aspect of the wedding industry. I would literally throw that cake girl out of my shop.

However, I will be attending a shower for a young girl who's having a baby and will do anything in my power to support her parenthood, even though she's young and single. Her dad was a friend of mine and her mom is very dear to me as well. She could've had an abortion and yet she chose life, and that is a choice I will always support.

Celebrating life and family and helping young kids get started in life is what matters. Bridezillas will be smacked upside the head by Karma, eventually.
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
I didn't know this was a thing, how sad.

Wedding gifts and baby showers are like graduation gifts: intended to help a transition for someone who is likely unprepared for the change. A housewarming gift falls into the same category. It isn't so much about the person herself as much as an acknowledgement of how expensive it is to have a baby and producing a stockpile of clothes, and diapers with a couple of the larger pieces of equipment thrown in (usually given to you by friends of your mom and the daddy's mom). It is a way of voluntarily socializing the cost as well as an excuse to eat cake without explaining how it fits with your diet.

I guess some bridal showers are separate from wedding gifts. A women only bridal shower, once again, is pretty much an excuse to talk about sex and how to be sexy in marriage and eat some more cake without judgement. And the boring gifts are to the COUPLE, not the wife.

And I can't think of anything men do for each other that involves gift giving unless it's included with his significant other (see wedding and baby gifts above). In fact lunch is about all I know of men getting for major life accomplishments. Women are making out like bandits by comparison. Women give gifts and eat cake. Men take each other out for a beer and a game. Women I know who prefer a beer and a game are usually accommodated. Men who prefer gifts and cake are laughed at then taken out for beer and a game.

And I too see no difference in my life between men and women who have birthdays, promotions, leave on big trips, come back from big trips, and other personal life events.
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
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