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A Joke for My Anniversary

THIS IS YOUR DOOM!

by
Andrew Klavan

Bio

May 31, 2013 - 8:54 am

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Here’s one of my favorite political jokes in honor of my wedding anniversary:

Barack Obama, John Boehner and Harry Reid are traveling on Air Force One when the jet crashes and they are all killed. Barack Obama is immediately whisked off to a plain of eternal fire. Demons tear at him with pitchforks; hellhounds rip his flesh; flames engulf him. And a mighty voice from on high thunders: “BARACK OBAMA! THIS IS YOUR DOOM!”

John Boehner finds himself in an endless waste of ice. Ice devils scratch at him; hailstones pound him; freezing cold lashes his body. And a mighty voice from on high thunders: “JOHN BOEHNER! THIS IS YOUR DOOM!”

Harry Reid opens his eyes and finds himself in a spacious penthouse apartment in the clouds. The furnishings are lavish. Beautiful music plays on an amazing sound system. A crystal of single malt scotch is waiting for him on the stand near his plush armchair. The door opens and in walks Kate Upton in the sheerest possible negligee. And as the gorgeous super model moves slowly toward him, a mighty voice from on high thunders: “KATE UPTON…!”

I have been married 33 years. During that time, my wife and I have had one argument and a million laughs. Without sentimentality or exaggeration, I can honestly say it has been a romance out of a fairy tale. For me, it has been a gift from God and a taste of paradise.

For my wife? Well, I can only hope she doesn’t feel like Kate Upton in the joke!

*****

Cross-posted from Klavan on the Culture

Andrew Klavan’s newest novel is Nightmare City.

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Top Rated Comments   
That's great! God bless you Andrew.
46 weeks ago
46 weeks ago Link To Comment
Congratulations, and funny joke.

Hey, I miss your solo videos on PJTV.
46 weeks ago
46 weeks ago Link To Comment
Happy anniversary to you and yours. With how you describe your marriage, I can only guess that she feels the same. Congrats
46 weeks ago
46 weeks ago Link To Comment
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All Comments   (10)
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If we're telling jokes, how about this one?

--

One winter day, Barack Obama looks out on the snow-covered White House lawn and spots some writing in the snow; it says "Obama sucks!". Obama is furious and demands that the Secret Service immediately determine who wrote this insult.

The Secret Service throw their full resources into the matter and soon report to their President. "Sir, as we suspected, the writing is urine. We've analyzed that urine and it belongs to Mitt Romney."

Obama is jubilant. "Aha, we've got him!"

"There's one more thing sir." says the Secret Service agent.

"What's that?" asks Obama.

"It's the First Lady's handwriting!"

--
(This is actually an old Canadian joke that I've Americanized.).

--
Congratulations to you and your wife, Andrew! I'm always glad to read one of your columns (or see one of your videos) and look forward to many more.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
HA!! Dolt that I am, I don't get the joke :-) BUT, am thrilled to hear of your joyous anniversary. Thanks for sharing with *us* Continued Blessings.
46 weeks ago
46 weeks ago Link To Comment
Good joke, and happy anniversary!

(Happens that Her Ladyship and I celebrated five years 31 May.)
46 weeks ago
46 weeks ago Link To Comment
Funny! - congratulations Andrew and may you be blessed as you steam onto your 50th!
46 weeks ago
46 weeks ago Link To Comment
Happy Anniversary, Mr. Klavan. I've enjoyed your columns, books and credited movies a great deal.

My wife and I just celebrated our 8th Anniversary this past week as well.
46 weeks ago
46 weeks ago Link To Comment
That's great! God bless you Andrew.
46 weeks ago
46 weeks ago Link To Comment
Does your wife read your columns?
She might get the wrong idea about the sub-headline.
46 weeks ago
46 weeks ago Link To Comment
Congrats Andrew. Today is my wife and my 33rd wedding anniversary as well.

We've had a few more arguments that you, but we've also had a million laughs, as well as 2 well intelligent, educated and employed daughters.
46 weeks ago
46 weeks ago Link To Comment
Congratulations, and funny joke.

Hey, I miss your solo videos on PJTV.
46 weeks ago
46 weeks ago Link To Comment
Happy anniversary to you and yours. With how you describe your marriage, I can only guess that she feels the same. Congrats
46 weeks ago
46 weeks ago Link To Comment
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