7 Types of Chicks Who Annoy Everyone Just by Their Very Existence
It’s no secret that there are guys out there who get on everyone’s nerves — the male feminists, the bronies, and dudes who need to pull their pants up. But don’t get too high and mighty, ladies, because no matter how much perfume some of you put on, your crap still stinks, too.
1) The No-Drama Mama
Whenever a woman announces that “she doesn’t do drama,” start slowly backing away to avoid being caught in the planet-sized gravity field of drama that surrounds her. It’s like telling the room “I don’t kick puppies” or “I don’t shake babies” out of the blue. Shouldn’t that go without saying? Would you let a person with a “I don’t drop kittens off the roof” shirt on near a tall building with your kittens? No, because you don’t want your kitty cats splattering on the cement while she points to her shirt and proclaims her innocence. If you want to avoid all hell from breaking loose around you on a regular basis, apply the same principle to the No-Drama Mamas.
2) The Man Hater
The really pathetic thing about women who go on and on about how horrible men are is that it’s obviously a big front. What these women really want is for a Prince Charming to come along, sweep them off their feet, and prove that they’re all wrong. Of course, the cream of the male crop are already in demand and they don’t feel the need to put up with “What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted” jokes to find the woman of their dreams. Does a man who thinks women are only good for bringing beer and performing in the bedroom appeal to the ladies? Of course not. So, why would the female equivalent do anything other than repel men?
3) The Pity Vampire
These chicks are like vampires — and not the sparkly, broody, overprotective kind. They lure you in by playing on your compassion. They tell you a sad story about the awful break they’ve had, the rotten people they’re surrounded with, and how terrible their life has become. You feel so bad for the Pity Vampire that you just want to hug her; yet, the worst thing is that the bad news just keeps on coming. You know that because she wants to tell you every detail of how mean people are to her, how sad she is, and how she feels so much better because you’ve shown up. Then eventually, after she’s bathed in your empathy like a scuba diver for months, you realize the awful truth: She’s like this ALL THE TIME. You thought you were being nice to someone going through a rough patch, but really you had a Pity Vampire milking you of the nectar of human kindness.
4) The Gold Digger
Essentially, these women are amateur freelance escorts because their relationships with men are purely transactional. You have money and you’re willing to spend it; then you can “buy” some of their time. Too harsh? Okay, well, know how women hate guys who lie to them, use them for sex, and then leave “to get breakfast” and never come back again? Well, that’s basically the same formula a gold digger uses when she deals with men. She pretends to like them, uses them for their money, and will never call them again if they lose it. The problem with selling yourself like a product is that eventually, when a product gets old and busted, people throw it away.
5) The Feminazi
You might think these women are identical to the Man Haters, but au contraire, there are so many other features that make the hardcore feminists irritating beyond their loathing of the male species. Take their creepy, overly passionate love of abortion, their oddball rants about the patriarchy, and their bizarre, contradictory view of the world. One day, they’re encouraging women to have sex like a man and complaining about “slut shaming”; then the next day they’re accusing men of being potential rapists who sexually harass women just by asking them out. Take that hairy sandwich and top it with a big helping of misplaced, shrill, self-righteous anger and you have someone normal human beings give a wide berth.
6) Guys, Don’t Look At My Hot, Hot Sexy Body!
It’s hard to understand why a woman would dress like an extra in a rap video, with skin-tight jeans and her cleavage busting out of her top, and then spend the whole night complaining about guys staring at her. If you don’t like men gawking at your chest, stop showing them so much of it. If it makes you uncomfortable to have men staring at your behind, maybe it shouldn’t have “juicy” written on it. Just a thought.
7) Detailerella
Most people like to talk about what’s going on in their life, but they’re smart enough to stick to the highlights. On the other hand, some women want to tell you every. last. single. detail. of. what. happened. to. them. today. Granted, that might be fun — once — if she’s a professional cage fighter or a CIA field agent. However, absolutely nobody on earth is interested in a 15-minute step-by-step breakdown of what happened to a bank teller or secretary today. People are even less interested in hearing that same rundown EVERY DAY. In fact, after it happens enough times, you can be sure that they’ve completely zoned out to keep from having to bludgeon themselves to death with the nearest heavy object.
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Previously from John Hawkins:
You left the liars out. I used to know a woman who would lie about anything: what did she have for lunch? A salad. Then someone else would ask and she would say hamburger. Lied to people for no reason at all.
Don’t know why they do it. They lose friends, respect, and any credibility they may have as a professional.
Sounds like an Obama supporter.
One of my (hardcore liberal Democrat) aunts was like that. I finally realized that the reason she was what amounted to a compulsive liar was that she got a thrill out of getting way with it. To the point where she would tell a lie, even when she would have been better served telling the truth, just to see if she could get away with it.
No, we don’t talk. Because one day I caught her in a flat lie, in front of witnesses, and called her on it. And yes, everybody else knew it was a lie, as well. I just happened to be the only one present who was fed up enough with her prevarication to take “official notice” of it.
She exploded, the gist of her retort boiling down to “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t question anything I say!”
She then left in a high dudgeon (pulled by six horses), and I haven’t seen or heard from her since.
I believe this is what’s called an “intervention” in touchy-feely “therapeutic/Dr. Phil” circles. And like most such, the results weren’t exactly what the advocates of same expect.
Whatever. At least I no longer have to deal with the (rhymes with “witch”).
clear ether
eon
#6 is the LOLCYHBYKIT (Laugh Out Loud Clapping Your Hands Because You Know It’s True).
Ah, #5 – the one’s you have to work to convince that “you’re not the enemy.” I know them well.
I think it is a prerequisite to work in most H.R. Depts. these days.
If you never had the thrill of sitting through one of those Sexual Harassment classes, generally taught by shrill, ugly shrews with bowl hair cuts that every man a potential rapist and con artist, every woman a saint, you haven’t lived. Those were really swinging in the 80s and 90s. I left shortly thereafter.
I got my comeuppance about sexism when after trying to teach a woeful unqualified, minority female about IRR and NPV, a female that I am not entirely sure could add much less understand exponential functions, made the mistake of blurting out, “Lady, I’m not sure I can explain this any more effectively.”; found myself in H.R. with personal reprimand for using the sexist term “Lady.”
True story.
Well, I don’t know about the sexist part, but you certainly deserved a chewing out for throwing that term, “lady” around carelessly.
A LADY is a special person, not just any human creature with female parts.
Those HR “All Men Are Scum” mandatory classes are one of the few career prospects for a Women’s Studies graduate. The other career prospects are government (where the kind of degree is less important), Women’s Studies faculty and diversity-related college administration jobs. Most private sector employers have better sense than to bring that kind of toxic person into their workforce. Oh, they have hire them as consultants to help avoid lawsuits but as actual employees, no.
That and jobs for the vast oversupply of lawyers in this country. So many are still being churned out they have even turned to suing their colleges because they can’t find jobs. Sexual harassment laws are perfect fodder for lawyers, as the “lady” comment shows.
“I’m really a good person, you just don’t know me!!” (after 8 years)
my Ex
I understand why prostitution is sinful but tolerated.
The posters are worth the read alone. LOL
Before I met the wife I adore and married her before she ran me off, I think at one time or another I had dated at least one in every category. I had this talent for being attractive to the absolute worst of the worst.
I could add an 8th category – THE STALKER.
One who actually grabbed a phone number out of a drawer after searching by gaining entrance to my apartment from the front desk, explaining it was an emergency, then called the other female in a different state to tell her I was married to THE STALKER; the same one that went to the feckless H.R. Dept and told them I had keyed her car {head in hands}; the same one who met me at 2:00 AM on a dark porch waiting to see when I would get home.
Anybody that believes little girls are made of sugar, and spice, and everything nice never met THE STALKER.
Stalkers are a subset of #1.
I know this because the male version is one who swears he’s a ‘nice guy’.
One of my friends went to prom with a girl like that from another school. When he decided she was weird and he didn’t want to continue seeing her, she came by our highschool looking for him. This girl was so stupid she didn’t properly remember his name and we convinced her it was the name of another guy with a similar sounding name. Long story short, she vandalized the car of this other guy who she’d never met, left all kinds of angry notes for him, called him several times a day and flipped out when he truthfully said he had no idea who she was. She couldn’t even recognize it was a different voice. Eventually I think security banned her from campus. Problem solved.
hey John…love ya man…but It’s “concrete” not “cement”…cement is a component of concrete…your article brought to mind W C Fields’ …”I never struck a woman in my life…not even my own mother…”
8) My happiness is fickle…
..but its your job to keep me happy despite not knowing what makes me happy. Your attempts to maintain a happy relationship with me are futile also due to my capricious behavior. I’ll be sure to audit the present moment and find an error, or manufacture one if need be, and focus on the negative to ruin what would be some happy and content time spent together. Despite your efforts or how much time has past, I will continually bring up those the errors ruining any chance of actual happiness together. After you give up and end the relationship, I will tell all our acquiantances it was your fault and I was never happy.
PS- I am still single after a decade and live with cats.
Another way of saying that is, “If you really loved me, you’d know what I want.”
As I explained to my wife when we were first married, I can’t read minds. If I could, I’d be cleaning up at the poker tables in Vegas instead of working for a living.
To the women reading this, if you don’t know what you want, how are men supposed to know what you want? And if you do know what you want and you want the man in your life to know, why not tell him instead of playing BS mind games? If I wanted to play a game, I’d break out a deck of cards or something.
9) The princess who never grows up
One party after another, color-coordinated everything, Barbie-doll look alikes who perpetually live the wedding day.
Advice to live by:
“Never play cards with a man called Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom’s. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.” From A Walk on the Wild Side (1956)
And never have anything to do with a grown woman whose father still calls her “Princess.”
You can recognize the gold digger easily enough….in their personal ads they always list some of their “likes” as “fine dining” and “world travel”
Props for using Kim Kardashian on #6!
I married #7.
I a woman, and I noticed that there was one type not mentioned in the list or the comments. The “self-involved career woman”. I have had discussions with women who feel that their careers have somehow been a stumbling block to dating. Is this a true category or is it merely an extension of another category? I only ask because it is something talked about by women as a stumbling block with men.
As someone who is single I’d have to say these women must have other issues they’re not looking at because men I meet and date appreciate women with careers. Maybe the ‘self-involved’ part is the problem, lol.
I dated a couple “career women” as well as some who were just passionate about (a damn near) all consuming activity (sports, politics, early internet)
I liked their discipline and “male-like” ability to compartmentalize without apology…no time for late nights if work was scheduled the next day, cant miss the deadline/match/opportunity/client, don’t freak if I’m away all next month, that sort of thing…
Always great in the sack (when we had time!) but aloof and non committal, you never knew where you stood. They had the same issue of ALL women, meaning that irrevocable “just tell me what the f*ck you want” deficiency in communication…they could never DECIDE if it was a “relationship” we were building, or just companionship and sex between two busy adults who agree they both have yet to find Mr. /Mrs Perfect…
So, naturally it was always “my fault” things went in the “wrong direction”…which (drum roll please!) just happened to be whichever way I THOUGHT THEY WANTED MOST, and tried like a gentleman to best accommodate out of respect for their wishes.
Yes its true, we aren’t MIND READERS….
And that’s ALWAYS our fault, right?
The career woman has to decide if she wants an 80 hour a week career or to find someone to date and marry. If you have no time left over, then the career is a stumbling block to dating. The same goes for men and many of them end up as “confirmed batchelors” which used to be a code word for gay men. The same phenomenon happens for both sexes, but men want women to be available for them and not be career obsessed.
At least career men have the option, if they are wealthy enough, to have a trophy wife/gold digger provide for the “needs” of a busy executive…
Hostess, concubine, mother (with nannies) of their children.
A truly brilliant, driven career WOMAN who is not conventionally attractive will have a hard time finding a mate.
The Carl Rove’s of the world (a vile male specimen by most women’s standards?) will always have an “acceptable” wife if he so chooses.
Whereas the Hillary Clinton’s will always be hard pressed to find a man that isnt a laughing stock.
Trophy Wives and Goldiggers do not necessarily detract from the man who chooses one.
They are commodities, like cigars, swimming pools and tastelessly ornate homes…you just expect that at from men at a certain income level.
But every Gigolo’s make the woman appear sad and pathetic.
Not to mention, themselves.
You make a very good point. However, many men with young, gold digger, trophy wives appear sad and pathetic. They probably just don’t care.
Although the look pathetic, it’s mostly the stupidity of marrying a golddigger that amazes. How can they not see what’s going on? If they want to marry her and lose half their money (or well more than half – which is usually the case)it’s no skin off my back, but its sad to see children lose their rightful inheritance.
If you find out she has been planning her wedding since she was 12, run as fast as you can. Even if you’ve already decided to marry her.
My sister is a pity vampire. Maybe more like a pity black hole. It is truly an endless, insatiable sickness.
Facebook is the pity vampire’s homecourt. It’s the prefect place to troll for sympathetic comments.