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7 Types of Chicks Who Annoy Everyone Just by Their Very Existence

If you thought the annoying dudes were bad, just wait....

by
John Hawkins

Bio

February 13, 2013 - 8:00 am

It’s no secret that there are guys out there who get on everyone’s nerves — the male feminists, the bronies, and dudes who need to pull their pants up. But don’t get too high and mighty, ladies, because no matter how much perfume some of you put on, your crap still stinks, too.

Drama free

1) The No-Drama Mama

Whenever a woman announces that “she doesn’t do drama,” start slowly backing away to avoid being caught in the planet-sized gravity field of drama that surrounds her. It’s like telling the room “I don’t kick puppies” or “I don’t shake babies” out of the blue. Shouldn’t that go without saying? Would you let a person with a “I don’t drop kittens off the roof” shirt on near a tall building with your kittens? No, because you don’t want your kitty cats splattering on the cement while she points to her shirt and proclaims her innocence. If you want to avoid all hell from breaking loose around you on a regular basis, apply the same principle to the No-Drama Mamas.

Man hater

2) The Man Hater

The really pathetic thing about women who go on and on about how horrible men are is that it’s obviously a big front. What these women really want is for a Prince Charming to come along, sweep them off their feet, and prove that they’re all wrong. Of course, the cream of the male crop are already in demand and they don’t feel the need to put up with “What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted” jokes to find the woman of their dreams. Does a man who thinks women are only good for bringing beer and performing in the bedroom appeal to the ladies? Of course not. So, why would the female equivalent do anything other than repel men?

Pity Party

3) The Pity Vampire

These chicks are like vampires — and not the sparkly, broody, overprotective kind. They lure you in by playing on your compassion. They tell you a sad story about the awful break they’ve had, the rotten people they’re surrounded with, and how terrible their life has become. You feel so bad for the Pity Vampire that you just want to hug her; yet, the worst thing is that the bad news just keeps on coming. You know that because she wants to tell you every detail of how mean people are to her, how sad she is, and how she feels so much better because you’ve shown up. Then eventually, after she’s bathed in your empathy like a scuba diver for months, you realize the awful truth: She’s like this ALL THE TIME. You thought you were being nice to someone going through a rough patch, but really you had a Pity Vampire milking you of the nectar of human kindness.

Gold Digger

4) The Gold Digger

Essentially, these women are amateur freelance escorts because their relationships with men are purely transactional. You have money and you’re willing to spend it; then you can “buy” some of their time. Too harsh? Okay, well, know how women hate guys who lie to them, use them for sex, and then leave “to get breakfast” and never come back again? Well, that’s basically the same formula a gold digger uses when she deals with men. She pretends to like them, uses them for their money, and will never call them again if they lose it. The problem with selling yourself like a product is that eventually, when a product gets old and busted, people throw it away.

5) The Feminazi

Feminism

You might think these women are identical to the Man Haters, but au contraire, there are so many other features that make the hardcore feminists irritating beyond their loathing of the male species. Take their creepy, overly passionate love of abortion, their oddball rants about the patriarchy, and their bizarre, contradictory view of the world. One day, they’re encouraging women to have sex like a man and complaining about “slut shaming”; then the next day they’re accusing men of being potential rapists who sexually harass women just by asking them out. Take that hairy sandwich and top it with a big helping of misplaced, shrill, self-righteous anger and you have someone normal human beings give a wide berth.

6) Guys, Don’t Look At My Hot, Hot Sexy Body!

Staring a Kim

It’s hard to understand why a woman would dress like an extra in a rap video, with skin-tight jeans and her cleavage busting out of her top, and then spend the whole night complaining about guys staring at her. If you don’t like men gawking at your chest, stop showing them so much of it. If it makes you uncomfortable to have men staring at your behind, maybe it shouldn’t have “juicy” written on it. Just a thought.

Talk too much

7) Detailerella

Most people like to talk about what’s going on in their life, but they’re smart enough to stick to the highlights. On the other hand, some women want to tell you every. last. single. detail. of. what. happened. to. them. today. Granted, that might be fun — once — if she’s a professional cage fighter or a CIA field agent. However, absolutely nobody on earth is interested in a 15-minute step-by-step breakdown of what happened to a bank teller or secretary today. People are even less interested in hearing that same rundown EVERY DAY. In fact, after it happens enough times, you can be sure that they’ve completely zoned out to keep from having to bludgeon themselves to death with the nearest heavy object.

****

Previously from John Hawkins:

7 Types of Dudes Who Annoy Everyone Just By Their Very Existence

5 Reasons Men Cheat

5 Things My Dogs Taught Me About Human Beings

The 5 Commandments Of Being A Jerk

5 Things About Getting Older That Shouldn’t Have Surprised Me … But Did

5 Moral Boundaries You Do Not Want To Cross

5 Ways To Transform Your Life Just By Changing Your Vocabulary

5 Revolting Facets of American Culture

John Hawkins is a professional writer who runs Right Wing News and Linkiest. He's also the co-owner of the The Looking Spoon. Additionally, he does weekly appearances on the #1 in its market Jaz McKay show, writes a weekly column for Townhall and PJ Media, does YouTube videos, and his work has also been published at the Washington Examiner, The Hill, and at Human Events. He's also the blogosphere's premier interviewer and has interviewed conservatives like Thomas Sowell, Mark Levin, Victor Davis Hanson, Mark Steyn, G. Gordon Liddy, Dick Morris, Karl Rove, Michael Steele, Milton Friedman, Jonah Goldberg, Jim DeMint, Walter Williams, Robert Novak, Ann Coulter, Newt Gingrich, & Michelle Malkin among others. Moreover, John Hawkins' work has been linked and discussed in numerous publications and on TV and radio shows including ABC News, BusinessWeek, C-Span, The Chicago Tribune, CNN, Countdown with Keith Olbermann, Editor & Publisher, Fox News, Hannity and Colmes, The Laura Ingraham Show, Minneapolis Star Tribune, MSNBC, National Journal, National Post, Newsmax, Newsweek, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Rush Limbaugh Show, The Tammy Bruce Show, Time Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, The Hugh Hewitt Show, The Washington Post, Salt Lake Tribune, Scarborough Country, U.S. News & World Report, and Human Events, where he had a weekly column. Right Wing News has been studied by college classes and even inspired an urban legend that was covered at Snopes. Last but not least, John Hawkins also founded and led the Rightroots group, a grassroots effort that collected almost $300,000 for Republican candidates in the last 3 months of the 2006 election cycle. In 2008, he consulted for Duncan Hunter's presidential campaign and was on the board of Slatecard, which raised more than $600,000 for Republican candidates in the 2008 election cycle. In 2011, he helped found Raising Red, although he left the organization the same year and went on to become one of the co-founders of Not Mitt Romney.com.
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All Comments   (9)
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It's not just men who should avoid these types. Other women can't stand them either.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
My ladyfriend and mysef frequent a bar where fine examples of a few of these are found nightly. The pity vampire is one we make sure we never sit near any longer as she sucks any good spirit or happiness out of you. She usually manages to find some older man happy to sit with someone younger and listen (or pretend) to her complain about everything. We also have 2 champion golddiggers, who are amusing to watch. Between the 2 of them they have been married 7 times and engaged another 4. They move about sniffing for the money. This article hits it on the head. Another great job.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I just can't think of annoying women without MoDo coming to mind. Seems to me that she should have her own category, sort of an all of the above.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I never meet such women. Perhaps I do, but I just screen them out instantly. My brother has nothing but such women, because he talks incessantly about how great he are, and only insane women are drawn to that. He has to take out restraining orders when he is done with them. The problem is not just the women. The problem is also with the guys who respond positively to such women. If you have had many such women, it is time to look in the mirror, because you are the common factor in all those relationships.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I met one of these: 1) The No-Drama Mama, and you have nailed her perfectly. She claimed to want "no drama" but was such a social butterfly she attracted it like no one else. Always goin to group events with people she barely knew and then complaining about the cliques that were always dissing her. It was non stop drama. Good list.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I know one Pity Vampire. Went on one date with her back in the day, but never noticed it then (I am guessing that she decided it would just be one date, but I have no recollection). Now, on Facebook, she whines about her ex-husband, about the agony of single motherhood, about the subway, about work, about everything. I realize now that I dodged a bullet!
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
It's amazing how you got my ex-wife's picture for #2. By the way, I did not convince her to stop hating men despite a decade of trying. I couldn't even get her to stop hating one man in particular.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
"Women. Can't live with em, pass the beer nuts."
- Norm Peterson
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
7 types of chicks....

A(G-D)men!
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
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