Shoes, Sheetrock, and the Skipper: 3 Surprising Things That Make a Man Sexy
What’s the female equivalent of “I’ll never get an erection again”?
I experienced that abysmal sensation when I learned that actor Alan Rickman was directing a play about deceased Jew-hater “activist” Rachel Corrie (or, as I like to call her, “St. Pancake”).
You see, women’s sexual fantasies are notoriously… odd, as anyone who’s read Nancy Friday’s 1970s sensation My Secret Garden can attest. (I’ll give you Mr. Spock, ladies. But Terry-Thomas?! Seriously?)
And up until the day he broke my, er, heart, my idea of a big thrill would’ve been sitting on Alan Rickman’s lap while he read aloud from the Manhattan telephone directory.
His face has been politely and aptly described as “anachronistic,” and he’s not as young as he used to be. And now we learn he’s a leftist.
But that voice!
(What are you laughing at?)
Yes, gentlemen, you can fake a British accent and maybe get lucky (unless you happen to be in Britain at the time, where your American one will do the trick). But a permanently sexy voice is a gift.
Rather than focus on the things you can’t change, why not consider those you can?
3. STYLE
The first thing I noticed about my future husband was his brand new Rockport dress shoes. (He confessed to me later that they were so painful he’d discreetly slipped them off under the restaurant table and prayed his feet didn’t stink.)
Perhaps you’ve been miraculously spared all the buzz about Fifty Shades of Grey (the title comes from the alpha male hero’s pricey neckties). Then simply Google “women notice men’s’ shoes” and prepare to be amazed. This is most definitely a “thing.”
A friend of mine went on one of those annual cruises hosted by a famous conservative magazine. She said you always knew when Mark Steyn was coming down the passageway because you’d first hear the sound of giggling females of all ages, glued to him like pilot fish.
Steyn is a brilliant writer as well as an impeccably polite, courtly, and cultured yet well-rounded gentleman who apparently divides his time away from his desk between hobnobbing with minor European royalty and mushing sled dogs around his New Hampshire farm. (See also “sexy voice,” above.)
No one is ever surprised to learn that Steyn is a big James Bond fan.
I’ve had the pleasure of spending a few hours in his company. And after all these years, I’ve come to the conclusion that Mark Steyn is required by law to wear a bespoke suit at all times, possibly even whilst mushing.
So while few male readers will ever be able to acquire Steyn’s inimitable prose style (and the success that’s come with it) or his Rolodex, they can certainly jot “get a tailor” on their self-improvement lists.
Which brings us to…
2. BODY TYPE
Ever since Dr. Sheldon — and, some would argue, Plato — male body types have fallen into three categories: ectomorph, endomorph, and mesomorph.
So on Gilligan’s Island, Gilligan is the ectomorph, the Skipper is the endomorph, and the Professor (beneath that unconvincing veneer of nerdiness) is the mesomorph.
(Mr. Howell’s body type is “old and rich.”)
Yes, I’ve scolded some of you recently for being fat. But body type is not about weight (which you can change) but about your skeletal structure (which you can’t).
A smart man works with his inherent physique, partly through appropriate fitness regimes and partly through wise clothing selection. (See “style,” above.)
I’ve had four male friends in the last month complain to me that they are “fat.” Three of them are not (and this is me talking).
They are just what the old Sears catalogs used to call “husky” — that is, non-obese endomorphs.
I’m not sure which movie stars they are comparing themselves to, but I worry that there’s a “manorexia” trend brewing. The last time I saw photos of Seth Rogen and Drew Carey, I honestly thought they had cancer.
Same goes for John Goodman.
Know why Roseanne was really so popular back in the day? Because millions of straight women (and gay men) thought of it as The John Goodman Show.
Goodman was a (literally) huge crush object because his character’s weight was overshadowed by his humor, his seemingly effortless physical grace in spite of his size, and his unabashed passion for his family.
Every morning, Dan Conner went off to a job he didn’t particularly love, because it was his duty. Yet he managed to make even “duty” kinda hot.
Which leads us to…
1. COMPETENCE
Captain Picard can violate my Prime Directive any time. Why? Because if you can get past that embarrassing figure-skater outfit and the fact you can’t tell he’s really kinda short, Picard is poised, confident, and competent. He’s not going to steer the Enterprise into a black hole or get the Vulcan ambassador’s name wrong.
This, and not the baldness, is the same reason women love the guy from the Transporter movies: Dude has a skill set.
Men get lots of much-deserved grief for retreating into the semi-masturbatory world of video gaming, but in their defense, gaming is one of the few remaining male-only realms in the modern, sanitized-for-your-protection, egalitarian West in which average men can strive to achieve mastery.
Granted, it’s a shallow, ultimately useless sort of mastery, but it feels close enough to the real thing to serve as an idolatrous substitute which briefly satisfies the vague yet persistent yearnings men naturally experience to learn, fight, and win.
So why not master something non-virtual? And I don’t mean hacky sack or (God help us) magic tricks, but something with practical, possibly even lifesaving application: grilling, shooting, fixing stuff.
Case in point: most famous “sexual tension” scenes in movies leave me cold, or even slightly nauseous.
This bit from the criminally underrated 2007 indie The Hammer on the other hand? Strangely…arousing:
I told you already: I’m weird.
****
Related at PJ Lifestyle:
“Today’s Male” seems to have got the idea that baggy shorts and flip-flops are sexy. How about the little men’s capri pants with the little strings at the bottom? Shower shoes with black socks? Fauxhawks and other gel-induced abominations? Does any of this dorkwear actually turn you on?
I think you’re preaching to an audience of lost souls.
Nope. Just give me blue collar arms hanging out of truck windows. Woo hoo!
it has been my experience that “how much will he spend on me” trumps all.
As a guy I find the same. A couple hundred bucks per hour works in my neighborhood.
Schwiing!
Shaidle has been skipping reading a daily dose of blog entries about Alpha males and female hypergamy nature.
It’s pretty simple, really. It doesn’t boil down to what turns you on. It boils down to what turns me on and are you willing to work for it.
This article is nothing more than hamsterbation.
Really, you guys are abysmally poor at reading a woman’s character. A good woman will ask for nothing. If, on the other hand, you are expecting sex in “paymant”, I say she should wring you dry.
While it might not be strictly true that “the style is the man himself,” as Georges-Louis Leclerc, Comte de Buffon has told us, it does speak rather eloquently about the man, in particular about what he thinks of himself.
Does he think he deserves the respect of others? Then he’s likely to treat himself with respect as well, which includes dressing neatly and with a sense of what’s appropriate for whatever context he might find himself in.
Does he appreciate the marvels of which his body is capable? Then he’ll carry that body, however large or small, with an ineffable sense of dignity. He’ll strive to use it in an effective yet self-protective fashion. He won’t treat his hands or feet as mere implements whose integrity is of little consequence.
Does he consider himself worthy of the esteem traditionally awarded to the estate of the independent, self-sufficient man? Then he’ll have at least one significant skill that he’s burnished to a high gloss, in the application of which he acts with confidence and decision. He’ll be appropriately modest about it, but his confidence will always shine through.
Do those things make a man sexy? I wouldn’t know; I’m a man, myself. But I wouldn’t doubt that the perceptible self-regard that accompanies those attributes will turn many a lady’s head, especially today, when there are so many slovenly, arrogant ne’er-do-wells about.
Then again, there are ladies, and then there are mere double-X-chromosome carriers, and we have yet to address the failings of the great majority of the fairer sex in these matters.
“…we have yet to address the failings of the great majority of the fairer sex in these matters.”
Avast! There be dragons!
Indeed!
One of my pet peeves is the carelessness with which the term, “lady” is tossed around these days. It’s used as the universal label for all human females, which can only cheapen the term.
“when there are so many slovenly, arrogant ne’er-do-wells about.”?
While the rich and well-born may be arrogant, ne’er-do-wells can only be haughty.
“we have yet to address the failings of the great majority of the fairer sex in these matters.”?
That is so easily done and so short, among Am citizens, women of the now characteristic failings are but simply too much like the men of the same society—brought up with too little parenting, in a sense of unnatural entitlement, for whom, vegetables with garden soil still clinging doesn’t look like food, whose parents allowed the elimination in public schools, of practical skills classes—hence, not skilled and in the same remove, so proud of the leftist tendencies which for those so deprived, cannot but supplant, . . .
Mr. Porretto is correct. If he walks his talk, he is one of the increasingly rare men for whom there are increasingly rare women. God bless him.
Rickman!?… I assume you have a crush on Count Dracula too?
It could have been worse. She could have a yearning for Tim Curry.
Yes, Alan Rickman…
As Alan Rickman once famously said, “Yippee ki-yay, motherf**ker.”
Yes! Especially to the third point. Competence is a huge deciding factor for me; he doesn’t have to be a rugged he-man, but if he can take care of business and possesses a definite skill set, he’s definitely head and shoulders over a lot of the men I’ve met. Competence also inspires confidence, which is also attractive.
Things like this were a major reason why I gave up dating liberal men. Half of them seem to spend their time apologizing for being male.
C’mon, at least give fans of “that guy from Transporter” the enjoyment of reading his name – Jason Statham does have a skill set, that’s for sure! yummmm
1. Carries a pocket knife.
2. Is fussy when selecting a Swiss Army Knife.
3. Has a fire starting kit on his key ring.
Cheers
???
Men are not “fussy”.
Particular, perhaps, but never “fussy”.
Alan Rickman’s been hooked up with a raving lefty politician for 35 years. Some of it HAS to have rubbed off. I can forgive just about anything after the Sheriff of Nottingham.
1)If by ‘style’ you mean that he knows who he is, then yes, style is sexy. A guy in construction boots and faded jeans can be just as sexy as a guy in a suit with new shoes.
2)Swap ‘body type’ for ‘absence of cologne’ and I’d agree. There’s nothing sexy about a guy marinating in cologne. I’ve been attracted to men with different body types.
3)Competence is sexy but only if combined with numbers 1 & 2 (and great eye contact!)
As a conservative woman, I try not to have crushes on celebrities since they all tend to raging leftists. Crushing on the characters is okay but I prefer actors when they are performing. Adam Baldwin is awesome though.
You seem to be splitting hairs. It’s a crush! Who cares what his political leanings are?
Who cares?
People who are not shallow.
If appreciating a man’s appearance based on nothing more than his appearance is shallow than yes, I am shallow.
Having a “crush” is not appreciating appearance.
Supporting people who are trying to destroy this country simply because they entertain you IS shallow.
Who said anything about supporting? I don’t spend a dime on Hollywood. Sheesh…you really need to lighten up.
Tell that to the guards as you are hustled into the concentration camp.
adam baldwin is conservative
Adam Baldwin is awesomely manly, and unabashedly conservative and Christian. Those things make him attractive in my eyes, whether he’s in jeans or a suit. Both of which he fills out VERY well!
Elizabeth Taylor says she used to really go for Richard Burton reading Dylan Thomas poetry.
Other women get turned on by a French accent.
Have to say intelligence and shared political ideas help a lot…
In those special situations—which I estimate at approximately 1 in 250k personal encounters—between the two, there is an energy which actualizes, and which can appear in many different things and settings, . . .
CORRECTION for clarity in meaning:
In a city of 250k say, there will be one woman—should we so meet—with whom the energy will manifest; the rest in similitude or question, or if she is married, should be ignored, . . .
Bringing something new to the relationship is surely more attractive than ‘shared’ beliefs? I mean, saying ‘yes, yes, yes’ during sex is great, but during a conversation?
Yes, shared beliefs are overrated. As long as there is mutual respect, disagreements can be exciting and enlightening.
Is there some practical way a man can tell whether he has a “sexy” voice?
Brother Francis recommends developing some particular skill. In my case that would probably be writing. Most of my meager output appears on the Web, especially on VRWC sites such as this. So far it hasn’t done a great deal to attract women, conservative or otherwise.
Sexuality is too subjective to judge for another person, but I will say it’s not so much the tone of a voice that’s sexy as what a guy is saying. At my job I speak to men on a regular basis and haven’t met any of them face to face. I recognize them all by their voices, and the ones who sound sexy to me are the ones who are either funny or interesting to talk to.
Patrick Stewart (Picard) is “really kinda short?” He’s 5’10″ which is slightly above the US average. Someone’s been watching too much basketball.
5′ 10″?
My daughter is that height. She’s not short.
For a man?
Yeah, that’s short.
And I don’t like basketball.
The average height for males in both the U.S. and the U.K. is 5’10″.
Really people, you’re already on the internet commenting, why not take a couple of seconds to do the research before chiming in.
At the risk of being Derbyshired, I note that both the US and the UK have significant immigrant populations from places where the average height of men is much shorter than the average height of men of Anglo-Saxon descent.
I didn’t say anything about above average or below average.
Sorry, shorty.
What all of this seems to boil down to is…..self confidence.
Well, I’m doomed. There’s just no way I can get with that program. What I like is defintely not what a woman likes, because, are you ready, I’m a man. Chew on that.
There are no young real macho men in Hollywood today. Macho men Lee Marvin, George Kennedy, James Arness, The Duke, William Holden, Eastwood, Selleck, Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Van Damme, Harrison Ford are all from a time past, when men were men and women were glad of it. Who are real-men movie heroes today? A guy who goes on Oprah & jumps up & down on the couch? Matt Damon? Gimme a break. Tom “Sleepless in a Suck-Ass-Movie” Hanks? Clooney? No way. Mark Wahlberg comes close but gets a huge demerit for his recent talking teddy bear stinker of a movie.
Hollywood liberals have destroyed big-screen machismo and replaced it with Alan Alda-let’s-be-sensitive-to-others’-feelings-and-be-kind-to-the-earth wimpiness. And Hollywood women? I will never pay a dime to see a Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts or Scarlett Johannson movie.
“There are no young real macho men in Hollywood today.”
Daniel Craig. Robert Downey Jr. Russell Crowe. Liam Neeson.
Of course I’m north of 50, so my idea of “young” may be askew.
Robert Downey?
You can’t be serious.
Rock wasn’t talking about PLAYING a real man.
Funny how the article and comments make me think of this guy: http://www.youtube.com/embed/da5QQSxSsGY
Now that’s sexy!
Kathy, why do you write for Taki’s disgustingly, disgracefully, virulently anti-semitic website?
Women do not know what really turns them on, which is why they are so easily manipulated by men who do know.
Some men mimic the traits which women actually find appealing. They do it with style and perhaps some practiced charm. It’s sizzle, not steak.
Quiet strength is what does it. Sure, it’s nice if he is intelligent or funny, but it is not necessary. He just has to be nice, and have an inner core of strength which gets reflected in his demeanor.
Look at Bruce Willis. His body is not sculpted, and he is a mug. Before he got successful, he used to be a bouncer. But he exudes a pool of calm (which helped him be a good bouncer). There is a quiet, self-contained air about him. It’s more than confidence. That’s a very vague, sloppy term. There is a sense of intense faith that shines through, a conviction in your values. You know exactly who and what you are. All the rest is mere window dressing.
Right on the money, Marc.
There are many who are quite confident while being completely incompetent, and it shows.
Folks, if you think “confidence” is sexy, consider the average leftist talking about how “Bush lied!”.
Weird is good.
“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”
Dr. H.S. Thompson
We are in our element!
Sheeesh! It is no wonder our culture is lost when illusion trumps reality. Disingenuous rules the day. Whatever happened to the appeal of virtue?
Did I hear correctly that Rickman and Jane Fonda are playing Ronald and Nancy Reagen? Is this Hollywoods attempt to smear the Reagens.
If Rickman’s playing RR it’s because he’s typecast as a bad guy, which is how new Hollywood sees Reagan. And Fonda needs no introduction; she has to duck to avoid the rotten tomatoes.
I’ll give you Rickman. But aren’t all British actors leftists (Oldman a notable exception)? And aren’t most of them homo? That’s what it takes to succeed there.
Connery broke the mold by catching the eye of Walt Disney.
Problem with Hollywood temporary fantasies is that they lead to that moment mentioned by the author….never have an orgasm again moment….when the idiot opens his mouth about politics.
Have to agree with the article: A man that is very good at what he does (whether landscape designer in boots, lab tech in coat or wall street banker), confident and charismatic….twinkle in the eye, a grin and some giddy-up energy makes any man attractive.
Now, whats on the inside is the true measure and worth keeping. Like someone said: boys have lots of girls but a man keeps one. Men are great.
Here are my two centavos. First off, I believe the author is fastidious & subtle in trying to get certain reactions from guys – majority of commenters. The topic she writes about is very personal & her opinions are very ‘star-crossed’ American female like. My guts were screaming ‘there’s a hidden thing out there or just some silly scribble.’ Her ulterior motive I suspected busted out when I watched few seconds of the 3rd video (under Mark Steyn) just to see the guy facing those two anorexic bimbos. (no guy here noticed?) If that uber-liberal infantile wimp & weasel (he ain’t funny neither) is sexy [includes Sheen Jr., et al], I am the last Chinese Emperor & the author is beyond weird! Were I a female surrounded by such turn-off-pretty-pretenders, I’d die a virgin. Same goes re: me (I am a man) & the average US liberal female including those on TV or in Tinseltown. I can’t watch them or listen to them because I’d be losing every meal I didn’t yet have not to mention my manhood being in ‘a permanent suicide mode.’ And I ain’t rich or famous.
Truly conservative & intelligent women of many backgrounds & ages I know would say to the author, what? That includes my 5’10″, gorgeous & smart daughter. Mainly for Kathy; ‘czech’ out the photos on my URL (bottom) to see that I’m not vainly bragging re: how gorgeous the women in our family are for generations. We’re (the men) spoiled. http://www.robertofprague.com/photos.htm
Francis & Rock nailed it (shortened my wordy bit-part some). Let us remember that most of the classic H’wood male stars – Alpha male & great actors all – served in WWII & came back highly decorated. Most of all Audie Murphy who was very short (so was Bonaparte).
My point is that a Man most of all protects women in/and his family. (think ‘Big Country’ w/ Gregory Peck & Chuck Heston [one of his few roles as a jerk], the latter being a man’s man as was the Duke). Better yet, ‘Life is Beautiful.’ That father – not a hunk, balding – was funny & a MAN.
For bragging rights, all my past girlfriends in EU & the US told me to be so. So did my late grandma & mother (both gorgeous, smart & conservative grand ladies) & so does my daughter; they felt/feel save w/ me. I never bring it up by myself w/ them. I’ve been told that by the ladies. I happen to be a guy who is equally comfortable dolled up at a concert hall or mucked up in the back-country or the stable & I raised my daughter that way. To the chagrin of my ex-wife who is smart & cute but a high-maintenance ‘I’m entitled’ feminist. Many a wannabe punk physically bigger slithered away after, e.g., bumping rudely into any ladies in my family & then looking into my eyes & hearing the growl. Simple as that.
I love this country but miss W-EU women of all countries there. They like men to be men & they like to be women. On each of my visits, they ask me about the fruitcake crazy feminists & the effeminate metro-males. For them, both are just bad jokes. ‘Nuff said.
Is there nothing more subjective than what we find attractive in the opposite sex?
I believe it takes a great deal of introspect and honesty to separate what is socially deemed attractive, and what one is truly attracted to; probably more of an unconscious/instinctive mix of ideals not easily observable.
All this discussion is obviously for entertainment purposes only….
THe sexiest smell on a man, I find, is sweat from a hard days work.
My wife won’t go near me after a hard day’s work until I’ve showered the sweat away. In fact, I wouldn’t go near me after a hard days work, and at times, my nose is just way too close to the rest of my body at the end of the day…
I’m guessing my hillbilly accent, and last-quarter’s-running-shoes-are-this-quarter’s-walking-shoes doesn’t do it, then?
Rocky & Balls sure think that skilled men are sexy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO1QM2rH3KE