Fred Willard Arrested By LAPD Vice Squad At Adult Movie Theater
Affable, old-fashioned comedian Fred Willard was arrested for lewd conduct and briefly held in police custody last night, after allegedly being caught affably, old-fashioned-ly masturbating in an adult movie theater with other fine folks rather than using the Internet. TMZ reports that the 72-year-old was caught “with his penis exposed and in his hand” by LAPD vice squad officers during a “random walk-through” of a well-known adult movie theater, where—using their crack detective skills—they discovered patrons watching adult movies and pleasuring themselves, a bust for which they are surely receiving some sort of special commendation from the commissioner soon, though the article strangely makes no mention.
Wow. We’ve seen this before of course…
Related today from Dr. Helen:
Really? There’s no other crimes going on in LA to preoccupy the police? If not, then reduce the size of the police force.
Forgive the snark, but what exactly did the police -think- would be happening in a PORN theater? Why not just claim that it’s the theater’s fault for not having a restrained audience and then shut it down? It seems to be the Obama Way.
I support Fred Willard for the same reason I support the “Slow Food” movement. Too many quaint, time-honored American traditions are getting steamrolled by technology these days. Do you want to be the generation whose children ask you, “Daddy, what was an adult movie theater”? Going down to the grimy double-feature house was good exercise and forced you to socialize. Instead, future Fred Willards will be glued to their screens (unfortunate wording, that).
Point is, our culture’s folkways are vanishing under our noses, friends. Where is the shabby adult theater’s “Cinema Paradiso” or “Hugo”? Will no one stand athwart history and yell “Stop!” while engaging in lewd conduct?
You have to admit that an old-fashioned porno theater has an ambience not to be found in ones own bedroom, bathroom, or den – the red velvet furnishings, the sticky seats, and the unique scent of popcorn, cigarette smoke, and stale bodily fluids. Well, you MAY find that in your own bedroom. YMMV. But there’s no ushers to mop up after you.
And there’s a cameradery, too – you and all the other sleazy old men just sitting there enjoying your…selves. I imagine many lonely guys have bonded over, say, a double feature of “Backdoor Bombshells” and “Taboo XXXVII.” They may sit a discreet distance from each other and avoid making eye contact, but they do it together. You can’t get that sitting alone in front of your computer. OK, you can if you have a webcam and a high speed connection, but it’s just not the same.
And Fred’s 72. He probably can’t see the computer screen all that well anymore. He doesn’t want to miss any important details. Nothing like the big screen to help you see it all, up close and personal.
So don’t be too hard on old Fred. I’m sure he’s already been hard on himself.
How did this not show up as part of Mike LaFontaine’s back story in “A Mighty Wind”? (In other words, this probably isn’t going to hurt Fred’s career too much, because so much of his career, going back 35 years to “Fernwood 2-night”, has been playing guys would would be caught in exactly this type of situation).
It was only practice – just practice – and, he “didn’t get there by (himself)”!
Geesh!
(BTW, the cops were there ’cause they got in free – and like their jobs, LOL)
There are still adult movie theaters?
Hey, him and Peewee Herman… unlike Peewee, this won’t help his career.
The arresting law enforcement officer’s formal written statement of the incident and Willard’s mastrubation attempt reads as follows: “Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman,before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into thin air. Sadly, the outcome did not have the desired effect that he had hoped for. The poor old bugger had no clue whether he was coming or going. It was the ultimate tear jerker”. Bizarre sexual orientation disturbances such as paraphilia, necrophilia, pedophilia are common behavior in the Hollywood celebrity culture. What is the big deal here? Give Fred a break. Hoping to see Fred Willard and his former Roseanne co star “Big Bang Theory’s” Johnny Galecki at the next Obama fundraising dinner.