5 Ways to Ruin a Commencement Speech
Every spring millions of Americans make the near-ultimate sacrifice for a loved one. Facing often mind-numbing torture, devoted friends and family prove their unconditional devotion by attending a college graduation ceremony.
The essence of graduation is the conferring by an institution, and the reception by a student, of a diploma. This supposedly guarantees that said individual ”is worthy of the degree for which he/she is presented.” Unfortunately the lords of “these hallowed halls” have taken advantage of the hostage-like circumstances in which graduates and their guests find themselves and purposely place diploma distribution at the very end of the festivities.
Sadistically transforming the whole business into “Academy Awards for Smart People,” deans, chairs, and others clad in the trappings of antiquity first bestow upon one another honorary degrees and the wherewithal to enlarge mothy hood collections.
The apex of agony, though there have been memorable exceptions, is usually the commencement address, final words of wisdom imparted after the president of the alumni association welcomes the graduates into the ranks of donors-in-perpetuum.
The commencement speech should honor the accomplishments of those completing their education and impart succinct advice for navigating the world they are about to enter as true adults.
Northwestern University’s 2012 ceremony was a welcome departure from the usually bleak norm. Students devoid of cynicism, pithy Dean “Morty” Schapiro — whose well-earned status among students borders on that of a rock-star — and a dearth of superfluous awards succeeded in rendering the event pleasant.
In spite of this, several addresses offered perfect illustrations of what NOT to do when giving a commencement speech. Remember them. Avoid using them the next time you are called upon to send thousands of America’s best educated young men and women into the real world. Or pass some fun time scouting for them the next time you have to prove your love by attending graduation.
Great post. I think that this is great advice for politicians too! I’m sure none of these graduates have “saving the world” in mind- that’s Obama’s job. Good luck graduates! You’re about to find out that most of your college profs were full of crap and that you paid them way too much to qualify you for a job at Starbucks.
The lead picture reflects the sick state of today’s youth. We knew better than to fall asleep or yawn in front of parents and faculty. I’m 39 and my class was given strict instructions that were obeyed. These graduates were educated by porn and “Family Guy” diarrhea humor. It’s obvious they’ve had every advantage but today may not find jobs. It seems fitting – wishing them success is difficult. Anyone who has dealt with them understands.
Oh, if only award recipients would heed this advice in their acceptance speeches as well.
The author’s bio states that she writes on the growth of antisemitism and misogyny in conservative organizations.
Isn’t this French for makes stuff up?
I think Bill Gates and the late Steve Jobs are/were certainly qualified to speak about changing the world. But they are/were the exception. No one else with the proper credentials comes to mind…
I read up to the point where you stated that you need to serve what you LOVE in order to be successful. Talk about a cliche. The world is full of people doing what they HAVE to do, not what they love. In fact, if you wait around long enough (as many do) to suddenly fall in love with doing anything before anything actually gets done, you’ll be sitting around for a long time. What is the estimate about how many people actually love what they do? TEN PERCENT? Think people who cashier, drive buses, clean office buildings, and on and on are in LOVE with what they do? Thank God they are grown up enough to GET A JOB. And take care of themselves. Instead of waiting around to fall in love with their work. You can add that overused tripe to the list too.
I was there when Obama gave his commencement address to the University of Michigan two years ago. My reaction: “Great speech, too bad none of it’s true.”
The commencement speaker at my graduation was Joe Biden. I don’t think he made any gaffes, although I had been up quite late the night before, so I’m not really sure. Do graduates really listen to the commencement speaker? I think he(Biden) had his own hair then, although I’m not sure about that either.
The commencement speaker at my graduation will remain nameless as will the university, the timeline was early 1950s.
It was less than we had expected as two years later the keynoter was arrested, indicted and convicted of ‘Influence peddling’, that was the euphemism for soliciting bribes.
And that was just the beginning. Over a five year period, four commencement speakers suffered similar fates, albeit for widely assorted infractions It came to the point where no one would even consider accepting the honor.
At least it served one good result, the selection committee became much more selective!
The Tucker May speech was classic – a good four minute listen. Only time will tell if a decade or two from now if it will be ridiculous to be asking “Who is Tucker May?”