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5 Great Pieces Of R-Rated Life Advice from the Movies

Not exactly the tips Grandma would give you on graduation day.

John Hawkins


May 28, 2012 - 7:00 am

5) Rob: You don’t look at the things that you have, you only look at the stuff that you don’t have. Those guys are right about you – you’re money.

Mike: Then why won’t she call?

Rob: She won’t call because you left. She’s got her own life to deal with, man, and that’s in New York… alright? And she’s a sweet girl, and I love her to pieces, but f*ck her, man. You gotta get on with your life. You gotta let go of the past. And Mikey, when you do, I’m telling you: the future is beautiful, alright? Look out the window. It’s sunny every day here. It’s like Manifest Destiny. Don’t tell me we didn’t make it. We made it! We are here. And everything that is past is prologue to this. All of the sh*t that didn’t kill us is only – you know, all that sh*t. You’re gonna get over it.

Mike: How did you get over it? I mean, how long did it take?

Rob: Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is, man. It’s like, you wake up every day and it hurts a little bit less, and then you wake up one day and it doesn’t hurt at all. And the funny thing is, is that, this is kinda weird, but it’s like, it’s like you almost miss that pain.

Mike: You miss the pain?

Rob: Yeah, for the same reason that you missed her… because you lived with it for so long.


No matter how much of a glass-half-full, optimistic, “don’t worry, be happy” sort of fellow you are, life is going to eventually knock you flat on your behind and it’s going to hurt like hell. When that happens, it’s nice to try to stay positive and know that other people care, but at the end of the day, only God and time can heal the wound. No matter how much it hurts, just give it enough time and it’ll get better.

4) [T]here’s a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But, they don’t all bring you lasagna at work. Most of ‘em just cheat on you. – Clerks

Some people claim that P.T. Barnum said, “You will never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.” I have a similar theory: “You will never underestimate the superficiality and shallowness of human beings.”

Many people choose whom they befriend, date, mate with, and marry for the flimsiest of reasons. There are legions of men who marry women for no other real reason than because they were hot, and just as many women who marry men because they have money or power. What about kindness, thoughtfulness, attentiveness, trustworthiness, stability, acceptance, and loyalty? People put so much emphasis on surface traits that they often miss the things that really make other human beings worthwhile.

3) Well, whatever you do, however terrible, however hurtful, it all makes sense, doesn’t it, in your head. You never meet anybody that thinks they’re a bad person. -- The Talented Mr. Ripley

Did you know that when psychologists interview serial killers, rapists, murderers, and con men, most of them believe that their victims deserved what happened to them? Even the ones that aren’t willing to go that far will usually excuse their own behavior and feel that they had no choice other than to do what they did. Now, if even hardened criminals tend to feel that way, what do you think the chances are that the guy who was rude to you or lied to you feels like he’s a rotten person for doing it? Not very high. Even if they have a conscience and believe what they did was morally wrong, they’re probably not going to judge themselves all that harshly. It’s biological. It’s how Nature built us. So, even if you’re dealing with other Hitlers and Stalins, just remember that they probably think they’re good people.

2) Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and f*ck the prom queen.

The Rock

At the end of the day, it all comes down to whether you won or lost, passed or failed, got the job done or didn’t. Winners get it done. Losers may have great excuses for why they failed, but a failure is still a failure. We try to be so non-judgmental that we make excuses for people and give them almost unlimited numbers of second chances. However, the basic truth is that there is a world of difference between being a winner and a loser. If you think there isn’t, then you’re just fooling yourself.

1) There’s one thing I’ve learned in all my years: sometimes you gotta say “what the f*ck” and make your move.

Risky Business

The most stagnant, hopeless, earthbound people you’ll ever run into are the ones who never fail at anything. That’s because the only way you can avoid failure is by not trying in the first place. It’s far better to try and fail than to remain mired in a rut, waiting for every star to align in your favor. Even if you fail, so what? You may learn something and grow in the process so that the next time you try, you’ll make it. Show me someone who tried and failed a half dozen times and I’ll show you someone who is much better prepared to succeed than someone who never tried at all.

John Hawkins is a professional writer who runs Right Wing News and Linkiest. He's also the co-owner of the The Looking Spoon. Additionally, he does weekly appearances on the #1 in its market Jaz McKay show, writes a weekly column for Townhall and PJ Media, does YouTube videos, and his work has also been published at the Washington Examiner, The Hill, and at Human Events. He's also the blogosphere's premier interviewer and has interviewed conservatives like Thomas Sowell, Mark Levin, Victor Davis Hanson, Mark Steyn, G. Gordon Liddy, Dick Morris, Karl Rove, Michael Steele, Milton Friedman, Jonah Goldberg, Jim DeMint, Walter Williams, Robert Novak, Ann Coulter, Newt Gingrich, & Michelle Malkin among others. Moreover, John Hawkins' work has been linked and discussed in numerous publications and on TV and radio shows including ABC News, BusinessWeek, C-Span, The Chicago Tribune, CNN, Countdown with Keith Olbermann, Editor & Publisher, Fox News, Hannity and Colmes, The Laura Ingraham Show, Minneapolis Star Tribune, MSNBC, National Journal, National Post, Newsmax, Newsweek, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Rush Limbaugh Show, The Tammy Bruce Show, Time Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, The Hugh Hewitt Show, The Washington Post, Salt Lake Tribune, Scarborough Country, U.S. News & World Report, and Human Events, where he had a weekly column. Right Wing News has been studied by college classes and even inspired an urban legend that was covered at Snopes. Last but not least, John Hawkins also founded and led the Rightroots group, a grassroots effort that collected almost $300,000 for Republican candidates in the last 3 months of the 2006 election cycle. In 2008, he consulted for Duncan Hunter's presidential campaign and was on the board of Slatecard, which raised more than $600,000 for Republican candidates in the 2008 election cycle. In 2011, he helped found Raising Red, although he left the organization the same year and went on to become one of the co-founders of Not Mitt
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