Maternal Instincts. Can You Trust Them?
Parenting: It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.
November 10, 2011 - 9:30 am
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I’ve spent my share of long nights balancing my head on the edge of a hard vinyl hospital “lounge.” Trying to sleep beside the bed of a sick child, with the constant interruption of obnoxious machines, the distant chatter of nurses echoing down the hall, and the incessant gaze of florescent lights is anything but restful.
I’ve seen needles probe for tiny veins, wide gashes sewn closed, and lethargic children attached to monitors, but never had I seen the look of sheer terror in the eyes of a newborn — until Zachary was handed to me by his weary, hospital-worn mother.
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My 15 month old daughter had an ear infection, then got sick with a raspy cough and high fever. The cough was so bad, she couldn’t sleep at night and the fever would abate with medication but come raging right back. It started on a Thursday. By Monday she still hadn’t really slept (which means I hadn’t either).
I called her doctor’s office and spoke with the nurse. Since L. was still on an anitbiotic for the ear infection, the nurse said there wasn’t really anything else they could do. If L. wasn’t better by Wednesday, I should call back.
I KNEW before I talked to the nurse that L. needed to be seen by the doctor, but trusted the nurse. She gave me the best information she had and I don’t blame her.
By Wednesday, L. still wasn’t better so I made her an appointment. I had to work so my husband took her in. When my husband still hadn’t called 45 minutes after the appointment time, I called him to see how it went. She was still in the doctor’s office and was on her 3rd breathing treatment. Her oxygen saturation was in the 70′s (normal is 95+).
She had a terrible case of bronchiolitis which was made worse becasue of an existing breating problem.
L. ended up in the hospital for 5 days, with IV steriods and breathing treatments every 2 hours around the clock.
My maternial instinct – she needed to go to the doctor that Monday, and I should have listened!
I did not have built-in mom radar; I had to buy one at Radio Shack and have it installed. My husband, however, was tuned in to our daughter from the day she was born. He knew what her cries meant, what she needed, or what she didn’t need–like being picked up every single time she fussed.
When she was 6 or 7, she had a cold with a fever, runny nose, a little coughing but not much. The fever lasted beyond the usual 72 hours or so. Hubs said, “I think there’s something wrong–let’s take her to the doctor.” I pooh-poohed him and said it was just a cold, no big deal, she’ll be fine in a day or so. He put his foot down, and off we went to Urgent Care. The doc listened to her chest for about 4 seconds and said, “She has bronchitis.” An x-ray confirmed it.
What? Bronchitis? I’ve had bronchitis several times, and it makes you cough up your lungs. She was having no trouble with her breathing beyond a mild cough. But my hubs knew something was amiss. Thank God for dad radar.
It’s not just maternal instincts. You know in your gut when medical people are just winging it. If men try to reassure women it’s because women don’t really want the truth yet, even when they know what it is. In that situation the man is damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t. The bottom line is don’t trust doctors overmuch. Anyone, ANYONE who is in the hospital or who has been under their care needs an ADVOCATE. Someone who will look out for that person, question what doesn’t seem right and make damn sure the staff members do their jobs.
Our brains like ‘sameness’ of things we know, and your subconscious has a far more exact pattern match ability than your active conscious thinking.
So it’s not ‘intuition’ at all, but simply common garden jungle survival sense.
Trust that feeling and always seek a detailed technical explanation as to why this is so until you understand what you’re dealing with, and don’t let anyone read you the tealeaves here.