President Obama is Wishing You'll Hate Thanksgiving Almost as Much as He Does

Hyper-politicized Thanksgiving wishes from the White House that couldn’t plan straight:

We’ve certainly come very far from an era when people of different political mind were urged to set aside their differences and come together for a meal and football and gather round the hearth in peace. Instead we’re in the era of “argue with your neighbors, get in their face”. Maybe it’s that social media sparring fuels these political grudge matches, or that political allegiances are worn less as choosing between the lessers of evils and more as teams of red and blue. But if you want to talk about death spirals, this is one I wish we’d get out of, and soon. Talking points beget talking points and before you know it the Thanksgiving table has turned into the McLaughlin group, except with the added challenge of your uncle having had six Cranberry Old Fashioneds and a carving knife within handy reach.

What’s more, now that these insufferable partisans in the administration have distributed their talkers, you’re a lot more likely to hear any one of these ten statements at tomorrow’s dinner, to which I am now obligated to offer a prebuttal. And yes, Mr. President, I hate you for making me write this.

Read the whole thing and prepare accordingly, or simply implement the following easy-to-follow strategy:

Shot:

Some people — such as crazy uncles — don’t pick up on normal conversational cues. They forget to give others a chance to talk or to move on from a subject that’s not being well received. If your crazy uncle is at this point of the Obama directive — Offer to walk them through it: “Would you like to take some time with me to sign up right now?” — you may be discouraged. But you should not be! This is your best opportunity to solve the problem of boorish behavior ruining your special day.

Here’s a sample response you might use. “That would be great. Except that I’m going to be washing dishes and cleaning up for a bit. How about you go into the guest room and use the computer in there to sign me up. As soon as you’re done, you can have some pie.”

The key is to get them to make a commitment not to come out until they’ve finished signing you up. Remember their conversation tip — Ask them to make a plan, and commit to it. Ask them to commit to finishing the sign-up before they come out of the room.

Since nobody can actually sign up for Obamacare, they’ll be busily trying to operate the web site for the duration of your visit. And the beauty of the disaster zone that is the Obamacare website is that whether you plan to visit for hours or days, the crazy family member will be out of your hair. For added giggles with the sane portion of the family, be sure to follow the last tip — Don’t forget to follow up: “Have you signed up yet?”

— “The 5 Most Insane Obamacare Talking Points You Can Expect To Hear From Your Crazy Uncle This Week,” Mark and Mollie Hemingway at the Federalist, Monday.

Chaser:

Health website call center closed on Thanksgiving http://t.co/aXuXzvT21C Hard to capitalize on all those WH-directed conversations about ACA

— Noah Rothman (@NoahCRothman) November 26, 2013

Exit Quote:

As God is my witness, I thought Obamacare could fly. #WACAinCincinnati

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) November 26, 2013

Related: “If you see this place-mat on Thursday, please be advised: your host hates you,” as he shares with you hyper-politicized Thanksgiving wishes from another another leftwing purveyor of the leviathan nanny state, Mayor Bloomberg.

Oh, and the Washington Post similarly hopes you’ll hate your Thanksgiving almost as much as Young Ezra Klein hates his.