It's time for your much-needed break from the serious news, and this week, we'll learn the number of airplanes you can break into in a single day, how to piss off an Airbnb owner, and what they think of modern art Down Under.
Let us begin as we always do with...
The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
Florida Man plows through airport gate onto airfield, sneaks onto planes before police takedown
We might never know exactly what prompted Florida Man to crash his Ford Mustang through a gate at Daytona Beach International Airport. Even in our darkest moments, we might not comprehend why he would speed so close to a taxiing aircraft that he nearly hit it. And it would take saint-like empathy to get inside the mind capable of abandoning his car so that he could attempt to board an occupied and running plane on the tarmac.
When Florida Man realized the airplane was locked, he ran to two more planes and "briefly made entry to them," according to authorities, before being stopped by airport staff and Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University security. He cooperated with police, telling them to "take me away."
Although all of these things do become somewhat more relatable when we learn that, after his arrest and being charged with two counts of indecent exposure, criminal mischief, and burglary of an unoccupied conveyance, Florida Man admitted that he drank alcohol, snorted cocaine, and smoked marijuana before his little rampage.
Yet there is somehow one vital detail missing from the initial reports.
So here it is: Florida Man causing havoc at airport admits to getting high and drunk after AA meeting.
And now you know...
...the rest of the story.
As always, one point is awarded in each category except when I say so.
SCORE: Drugs/Alcohol, Vehicular Madness, Police Bodycam, Public Nudity, Make Your Own Drive-Thru, Crime Spree, Way to Take the L, Stolen Police Car Airplane (Attempted), Hold My Beer, Glamor Mugshot, Dude You OK?, and a Bonus Point for at least waiting until after the AA meeting.
TOTAL: 12 FMF Points.
I believe that's a record-tying score. Bravo, Florida Man.
She's Number One!
Florida Woman flashes devilish grin after being accused of doing unspeakable things to Airbnbs
No, Florida Woman. Just no:
Florida Woman was busted after allegedly filming herself peeing on and destroying over $5,000 worth of household items in two Airbnb rentals – then posting the twisted clips on sex sites to make money.
Florida Woman – flashing a devilish grin in her mugshot – was reported to cops after the horrified Pensacola Airbnb owner found videos of the vile guest peeing on various objects, including a coffee maker, toaster, typewriter, TV, a rug, and chairs.
After being tipped off through the Airbnb app that her guest was urinating on multiple items in her units, the rental owner allegedly found the shocking pee-for-cash videos posted on an “adult content website."
Yeah, you'll never convince me that peeing on things is in any way adult.
SCORE: Went Viral, Water Hazard (heh), Airbnb (new!), Caught on Video, Public Nudity, Criminal Mastermind, Entrepreneurship, I Just Seriously Don't Understand People Sometimes. (8)
RUNNING TOTAL: 20 FMF Points.
It's gonna be a big-scoring week, isn't it?
Exclusively for our VIPs: Russian Soldier Tells the Scary Truth About Life on the Front
Ferris Bueller’s Day in Jail
Florida Man accused of taking brand-new Porsche he was hired to deliver on a joyride
It seemed like the perfect crime.
The Florida guy who hired the transport company to transport two Honda scooters and his brand-new 2026 Porsche would never know it was missing because it was supposed to be somewhere else, right?
But:
Two days later—despite the company claiming the delivery crew had been stopped by police—the victim noticed live tracking updates showing something unsettling: his Porsche wasn’t sitting in a trailer. It was moving.
Police tracked Florida Man to a Lehigh Acres DMV parking lot, where he sat behind the wheel of the missing Porsche.
Florida Man told deputies he took the Porsche because it was “smaller and more convenient” than using his own vehicle while trying to renew his driver’s license.
"Oh, that's OK then," is exactly what police didn't say. Instead, they arrested him and charge him with three counts of grand theft auto.
Ferris Bueller never had to deal with any stupid tracking apps.
SCORE: Vehicular Madness, Likely Story, Criminal Mastermind, Getting Caught Stupidly, Way to Take the L, Glamor Mugshot. (6)
RUNNING TOTAL: 26 FMF Points
Bonus Florida Headline: Florida Man previously arrested for exposing penis arrested on DUI charge
Is that escalation or de-escalation?
Maybe She Didn't Know That Was Wrong
You know what I hate?
You know how sometimes you're minding your own business repeatedly stopping your car and cutting off some pregnant women who for whatever reason starts honking at you which is when you burst out of your car and you're all kicking and trying to jump on her hood when you realize that isn't helping much so instead you rip open the driver door and just pummeling on her even though her kid's in the backseat and maybe you're not entirely sure why anymore which is when some old lady comes up and tries to stop you so you're all screaming at her and clawing at her face and when she backs off you figure you made your point whatever it was and so you get back in your car and drive off but then this cop pulls you over anyway and he's trying to put cuffs on you because you're being "detained" or whatever but you put up a good fight and even bite him on the wrist and the next thing you know you're sitting in jail trying to remember why you kept cutting off the pregnant lady in the first place?
Don't you hate that, too?
SCORE: Vehicular Madness, Assaulting a Cop, Caught on Video, Police Bodycam, Resisting Arrest, Fleeing the Scene, The Elderly, Should Have Taken the L, Glamor Mugshot, WTF Were You Even THINKING? (10)
RUNNING TOTAL: 36 FMF Points.
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
Wounded in Iran attack during Epic Fury, Florida veteran returns home to recover
If you don't have time to watch the segment — but I hope you do — here's really all you need to know:
Hunter Girdner, who's former military, had been in Iran working as a defense contractor when enemy fire struck him as he was attempting to rescue a member of his contract crew.
He's now recovering from the injuries he suffered.
The 27-year-old previously served in the U.S. military for six years before moving to the private sector.
"I knew what I was going to do since I was roughly 10-years-old," Girdner said. "It's the only thing I was ever drawn to."
Girdner joined the Army in 2018 .
He was reclassified as medically retired in 2024 after multiple injuries.
Yet he still went back to the Middle East to serve as a contractor doing air defense, and was wounded yet again saving a comrade.
'Murica.
SCORE: The usual three bonus points for Sheer Awesomeness, Went Viral, The Inevitable Helicopter (Or Drone)(or in this case, drones, TBMs, and ballistic missiles), Entrepreneurship. (6)
RUNNING TOTAL: 42 FMF Points.
Previously on Florida Man Friday: Wait, He Tried to Steal WHAT With WHAT?
So How Did Florida Man Do This Week?
Wow.
Five scored stories with a total of 42 points for a record-setting average of 8.4.
All of us here at FMF salute you, Florida Man and Florida Woman.
Meanwhile, in Australia...
Woman who swallowed 3 liters of vodka pleads guilty to sticking googly eyes on $95K blob-like sculpture https://t.co/lKeJrkmwK2 pic.twitter.com/KPOajWN21d
— New York Post (@nypost) March 25, 2026
It's a helluva thing, having to plead guilty to making the modern art nicer.
Something else you can do after drinking three liters of vodka is hopefully maybe not die.
A story like that can mean only one thing: Florida Man has exactly one week to reclaim his crown of glory in time for the next exciting episode of...
Florida Man Friday
P.S. Don't miss Five O'Clock Somewhere with Stephen Kruiser, Yours Truly, and special guest Megan Fox at 4 p.m. Eastern today. There will be day drinking.
