In one of the four or five books of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy, Zaphod Beeblebrox once got so frustrated with a computer that he threatened to reprogram it with an axe. The computer, named Eddie, was functioning exactly as it was programmed, of course, which is exactly why I don't keep a sharpened axe anywhere near my MacBook.
That's a good thing, too, after experiencing firsthand the joys and frustrations of Google's ImageFX which could teach Eddie lessons on how to frustrate fun-loving users.
When DALL-E went public late in 2022, I jumped right in. AI image generation can be a useful tool here at PJ Media sometimes, like when our AP Image library doesn't have a photo that quite goes with the column I'm writing. But mostly, I play around with various generators because it allows me, a man with no discernable skills in the visual arts, to indulge my inner 12-year-old's obsessions with Star Wars, food, the arts, and mashups worthy of '70s-vintage "Cracked" magazine.
So when I asked ImageFX to show me Darth Vader serving beer in an English pub, I was impressed with the result.
When I asked for an elephant made out of Crepes Suzette, one of the results looked like something a better-than-average home chef might come up with for their four-year-old kid.
Adorable and tasty. The mandarin orange slices as elephant ears were an unexpected delight.
Where ImageFX starts to fall apart is when it has to render more than one face. These next three images will show you what I mean.
This first one was generated from "Gold Rush Miner, 19th Century photograph."
Now bad for a rush job, right?
The second in the series is "C-3PO ponders his fate looking out a warmly lit window."
ImageFX somehow managed a pensive look on an immobile metal face.
But what happens when we put it all together? Bad things.
It all kind of fell apart — and this was the best I could coax out of the prompt after repeated tries.
In addition to the quality of some of the results, I was also impressed with the speed. When ImageFX produces an image, it rarely takes more than a few seconds.
When it produces an image — and that's where ImageFX becomes frustratingly like Eddie the Computer and I start reaching for the axe I hid from myself somewhere in the garage.
Instead of producing images, so many of my efforts resulted in the dreaded message: "That prompt goes against our policies. Try a different prompt." Some are understandable, like works their owners have chosen to protect. I can get Darth Vader images, no problem, but Capt. Kirk is verboten. It won't generate styles by particular artists (or at least none that I tried) but it will generate styles.
ASIDE: If someone could devise for me a weasel-word way to get it to do H.R. Giger, I'd greatly appreciate it. You might not return the gratitude should I share the results, however.
But most of the restrictions are just stupid, Woke jerkism.
Nothing even faintly political is allowed. Want to see Chewbacca kissing babies at a generic campaign rally? Fuggidaboudit. How about an American Gothic-style portrait of a gray-face space alien and Martha Washington? Nope! Martha is too hot a topic for the weasels behind ImageFX.
Worse, while ImageFX will sometimes let you know what the offending prompt is by giving it a squiggly red underline, but mostly it just makes you guess what you might have done to raise its ire.
The only thing worse than a bad tool is a much better tool that has so many restrictions that will have you reaching for the bad tool. At least for now, I'll have most of my fun on image generators that usually do worse jobs than ImageFX does because at least they don't go HAL 9000 on me and refuse the open the pod bay doors.
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