The Marines Need Help Finding a Lost Stealth Fighter and Nobody Can Stop Laughing

Those F-35 stealth fighters must be even closer to invisible than I thought because the Marines lost one on Sunday and nobody can find it.

A Marine piloting the special vertical takeoff and landing version, the F-35B, suffered some kind of “mishap” and was forced to eject over South Carolina. He ejected safely. He’s fine. We can go on and laugh. The plane, however, was nowhere to be found. Weighing in at over 32,000 pounds even when it isn’t filled with jet fuel, you’d think the missing jet would be easy to find, but no.

There was genuine concern that the autopilot might have been on, meaning that there was an $80 million fighter jet gently cruising around over South Carolina with no pilot and no canopy. Sunday drivers, amirite?

So whoever runs the social media for Joint Base Charleston took to Twitter to ask for help finding the super-invisible stealth fighter.

We’re working with @MCASBeaufortSC to locate an F-35 that was involved in a mishap this afternoon. The pilot ejected safely. If you have any information that may help our recovery teams locate the F-35, please call the Base Defense Operations Center at 843-963-3600.

— Joint Base Charleston (@TeamCharleston) September 17, 2023

Actually, the mishaps have only just begun.

An early report from NBC noted that “The jet was left in autopilot mode so there’s a possibility it could still be airborne somewhere over South Carolina.” That was early Sunday evening. Surely, it’s run out of fuel by now. (Yes, and don’t call me Shirley.)

But no one seems to have seen or heard the thing crash.

This, of course, is when Twitter lept into action as only Twitter can.

Imagine losing an F-35, supposedly the most advanced fighter in the world, and calling it a "mishap." pic.twitter.com/PObzwCtINX

— Davis | The Skill Predator (@retailrefugee) September 18, 2023

So you lost a stealth? Is this a parody🤣

— Debra Garrett (@debragarrett) September 18, 2023

PJ Media’s own Paula Bolyard said that she “spotted it being towed by a chi-com balloon over the Smoky Mountains,” and I almost believe her. If you have a better theory, I’d love to hear it.

This next one was, of course, inevitable.

pic.twitter.com/WbVmHVb5ya

— Brian Doherty (@BDOH) September 18, 2023

Some folks tried their best to be helpful:

Have you tried walking through the parking lot pressing the remote over and over?

— Tim Murtaugh (@TimMurtaugh) September 18, 2023

Others know an easy buck when they see one.

Lost Stealth Fighter

I usually avoid Twitter on the weekends, but I couldn’t resist asking, “When you ask Twitter if anyone has seen your missing fighter jet, are you expecting anything other than snarky answers?”

Maybe somewhere on Twitter, there’s one really earnest guy, walking around his backyard, looking for an F-35, just in case.

He gave it his best shot. Even looked in the shed, just in case. But then he had to tweet back to @TeamCharleston, “Sorry, no. What color was it?”

Florida State Board of Education member Ryan Petty quipped, “Joe Biden said we need an F-15 to protect our Constitutional rights, so maybe we’ll just keep this one. We paid for it.”

And I think that’s the last word on that — at least until the missing jet turns up on blocks in front of a small home just outside of Pamplico.

P.S. Need a little mirth after all of today’s serious news? Then don’t miss the “Five O’Clock Somewhere” VIP Gold Live Chat with Stephen Kruiser and Yours Truly at 4 p.m. Eastern on Mondays and Fridays. There is sometimes a special guest and almost always day-drinking.

You can join the cause (and the cocktails) right here.