That “Beyond Meat” executive tasting the most forbidden flesh of all has to be this week’s big crazy. Welcome to Insanity Wrap, an entire week’s worth of lefty nuttiness wrapped up in one easy-to-swallow medicated news capsule.
Plus:
- ‘Save Water, Shower with a Friend’ no longer just a naughty joke
- The real reason Joe Biden had to sit in the cheap seats at Elizabeth’s funeral
- The Nancy Pelosi photoshop you’ll hate me for
Before we get to today’s big story, here’s a short video to make you lose whatever little faith you might still have in humanity.
This Is Not a Sane World, Exhibit #1,000,006
There is a public education crisis. pic.twitter.com/wk9JQrSrmw
— Ian Miles Cheong (@stillgray) September 20, 2022
And the kicker was pretty much inevitable: Ontario school DEFENDS biological male teacher who wears giant prosthetic breasts to class.
Oh, Canada.
Is That ‘Beyond Meat’ Guy a Cannibal?
Los Angeles-based Beyond Meat COO, Doug Ramsey, arrested for biting driver’s nose after Arkansas football game
Before we get started, a question: Have you ever encountered a ribeye trying to pass itself off as a rutabaga?
Of course not. But people just won’t stop trying to perform dietary alchemy by transmogrifying lame vegetable matter into faux meat. It can be as simple as one of those flabby tofu patties or as scientifically involved as Beyond Meat or Impossible Foods or I Can’t Believe It’s Not Slaughter.
But they keep trying because even people who don’t want meat want meat.
Because meat.
But, if you’ll allow me to paraphrase e e cummings, there is some meat I will not eat.
People meat, Soylent or otherwise:
Doug Ramsey, 53, the chief operations officer of Beyond Meat, was taken into police custody Saturday on charges of terroristic threatening and third-degree battery, Fox 24 reported. The attack occurred at a parking garage near Razorback Stadium following a University of Arkansas victory over Missouri State.
A police officer responded to the scene Gate 15 over a reported disturbance where two men were found with bloody faces, the report said.
I thought Fox was quite charitable, describing Ramsey as a “food executive.” Or maybe it’s just wrong, like calling a counterfeiter a “freelance Treasury worker.”
Anyway, there was a road rage incident, and Ramsey (allegedly!) got out of his car, smashed the other guy’s window, and bit the Subaru driver, “ripping the flesh off the tip of the nose,” according to police.
That ain’t vegetable matter, Doug, no matter how you slice it.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that Doug Ramsey is actually a cannibal.
But if he is, it’s only by a nose.
Recommended: Newsom ‘Unequivocally’ Running for Prez… Well, Maybe
Before We Continue, Here’s a Short Video to Restore Your Faith in Everything…
Dog and dolphin playing together in the sea 🐬 pic.twitter.com/Xacdi578fA
— Gabriele Corno (@Gabriele_Corno) September 17, 2022
I needed that.
Your Weekly Dose of Celebrity Nonsense
You might have already seen the report that Presidentish Joe Biden had to sit in the cheap seats at the funeral service for Queen Elizabeth II.
Some people — including former president Donald Trump — seemed to think that Britain was snubbing the American president, “special relationship” be damned.
But it was worse than that. Biden snubbed Elizabeth at her own funeral:
While most VIPs took the bus to Westminster Abbey, the Bidens showed up in “the Beast,” the heavily armored limousine that travels with the U.S. President. Biden got one of few exceptions to the strict security protocols around the event, which forbade the guests from taking private aircraft to London and using foreign or state vehicles.
You can guess what happened next:
According to the schedule of events the palace published, foreign dignitaries were supposed to take their seats in Westminster Abbey between 9:35 and 9:55 a.m., ahead of the official start time at 11 a.m. But the Bidens encountered standstill traffic along the way.
Sure, I understand Biden getting an exception to fly Air Force One — it serves as an emergency nuclear command center for one of the world’s largest nuclear arsenals.
But Biden was too good to take the perfectly secure bus with all the other dignitaries.
I’m American. That means I’m small-r republican through and through, and I’ll never understand the whole royalty thing. But highborn or low, I do understand that the deceased is the star of their own funeral.
The good news, if you want to call it that, is that nobody takes Biden seriously enough for his snub to matter.
Quote(s) of the Week
— Defiant L’s (@DefiantLs) September 17, 2022
Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss totally, publicly contradicting and humiliating yourself.
Previously On Insanity Wrap: Look Ma, No Strings! Denver to Give $12k to 140 Lucky Homeless People
Your Weekly Dose of Mandated Unity
Switzerland’s Environment Minister Suggests People Shower Together to Save Energy
That old “Save Water, Shower with a Friend” gag made real:
Simonetta Sommaruga, 62, suggested that people “turn off the computer when you don’t need it, or turn off lights, or shower together” as part of her measures promoting a 15 percent reduction in energy consumption.
#ProTip: Showering with a friend does not save power, water, or especially time.
The important thing to remember is that the Green Nude Eel, or whatever it’s known as in Switzerland, isn’t about saving the planet or conserving anything.
It’s about making people miserable until there are a lot fewer people.
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One More Thing…
What has been seen cannot be unseen.
That’s a Wrap for this week.
Come back next week for another Insanity Wrap…
…assuming we make it that long.
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