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Insanity Wrap #100: It's Simple -- If They Can Loot and Riot, You Can Celebrate Christmas

"YOU get to go to the burn unit, YOU get to go to the burn unit, YOU get to go to the burn unit!" (AP Photo/Susan Walsh)

Insanity Wrap needs to know: How many members of the White House press corps did Kayleigh McEnany just send to the burn unit?

Answer: All of them.

Before we get to the sordid details, a quick preview of today’s Wrap.

  • Don’t let the delivery grinch steal Christmas
  • Stolen valor: Hillary and Chelsea getting richer off of actual gutsy women
  • The funniest bit of 5G paranoia ever

And so much more.

Shall we begin?

This Is Not a Sane World, Exhibit #1,000,006

Kill us. Kill us now.

Apple TV+ will produce a series based on The Book of Gutsy Women, the 2019 anthology that Hillary and Chelsea Clinton caused to be written.

Please note that Insanity Wrap neither makes nor supports any claim about actual authorship.

These two putting their names on a book about gutsy women is like Insanity Wrap, who prefers to drink his breakfast, authoring a tract on the importance of sobriety.

Hillary Clinton is the woman who rode her extremely popular and politically skilled husband’s coattails to power, yet even with every conceivable tailwind at her back, still failed to close the deal in 2016. Clinton is so gutsy that on the night of her loss, she chose to drown her sorrows in a box of Franzia rather than lift the spirits of her supporters who had gathered to hear her victory speech.

As an adult, Chelsea Clinton has enjoyed a cushy life of highly-paid makework positions, including a six-figure stint as an on-air reporter for NBC News. The biggest story she managed to break during her time in front of the camera was that she, herself, is untainted by the ravages of charisma.

Rosie the Riveter wouldn’t give either of these ladies the time of day, and neither should Apple TV+.

MORE: We reviewed the Apple TV+ streaming service last year, and found that due to its uneven new content and its total lack of a back catalog, that Apple TV+ might be worth the $5 a month if you were one of the Apple hardware customers who didn’t actually have to pay the $5 a month. Now, it’s worth even less.

Your Daily Dose of Mostly Peaceful Protest

Now here’s a gutsy woman.

Full disclosure: Insanity Wrap has a bit of a crush on Kayleigh McEnany, and we don’t even usually care for blondes.

Anyway, it’s come to this: Defending celebrating Christmas as a form of genuinely peaceful protest.

Insanity Wrap is pleased to inform you that we aren’t exactly in Nero’s Rome, falsely blaming (and persecuting) Christians for the city getting sacked.

But in recent decades, Washington has had more than a touch of Caligula.

How the Delivery Grinch Stole Christmas

Insanity Wrap Says: Get Your Shopping Done Early
(Image by Mediamodifier from Pixabay.)
UPS limits some retailer pickups as holiday surge tests its network

Insanity Wrap doesn’t want to single out UPS here (even if they did just sit on our new computer in Hong Kong for five days this week) because all delivery services are feeling the strain.

But if you haven’t finished — or worse yet, even started — your holiday shopping, you’d better get on it.

Drivers for Sandy Springs, Georgia-based UPS — the world’s largest package delivery company — wrote in online forums this week that they were instructed not to pick up packages at some major retailers as e-commerce orders hit an all-time high Monday.

The shipping restrictions affected retailers including Macy’s, Gap, Nike, New Egg, L.L. Bean and Hot Topic, The Wall Street Journal reported Wednesday. Instead of visiting stores during the coronavirus pandemic, a growing number of customers are ordering goods online from stores, which then ship the goods to customers’ homes.

Consumers spent $34.4 billion from Thanksgiving through Black Friday and Cyber Monday this year, according to an analysis by software firm Adobe. Monday was the largest online shopping day in U.S. history, according to Adobe.

UPS is trying to spread out shipments over peak and nonpeak times through a longer holiday shopping period to avoid big spikes in volume. It said it set “specific capacity allocations” last weekend and through the holiday season, and worked to ensure large retail customers “are aware of how much capacity is available to them.”

Insanity Wrap read elsewhere that there are “no exceptions” to UPS’s retailer caps, which should tell you just how strained they are.

“Moving at the speed of politically-constrained business” wouldn’t be much of a corporate slogan, but at least it would be honest.

So: Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah. But with churches and synagogs closed, and delivery services under such pressure, Insanity Wrap hopes you have more to do than stand around outside singing songs with all the other Whos in Whoville.

Previously On Insanity Wrap: Awkward — Joe Biden Stole the Election (Say the Bernie Bros)

The Jacobins Are Taking Charge of the Academy

Students say Thomas Jefferson statue should be removed from Mizzou campus

Insanity Wrap arrived at Mizzou as a freshman in the fall of 1987.

To give you an idea of how long ago 1987 was, at that time, College Republicans outnumbered Young Democrats (or Young Pioneers or Youth League or whatever they were called) by about two to one.

Can you imagine such a thing today?

In any case: Yes, Jefferson owned slaves. Jefferson’s words also helped launch the philosophical revolution that would in less than a century nearly wipe one of humanity’s oldest and vilest institutions off the face of the Earth.

Life is complicated, kids. Embrace it.

The Craziest Person in the World (Today)

There's Crazy and Then There's Nic Crazy

Crackpots are buying Faraday cages for routers then bemoaning bad Wi-Fi

Insanity Wrap had thought at first that our next story must be satire, but no.

So the craziest person in the world (today) is anyone doing this:

Some of the internet’s best moments arrive unannounced in the form of um, duh moments — it’s one of the 21st century’s best-selling brands of humor. This week’s iteration comes in the form of Amazon reviews for Faraday cages, which unsuspecting consumers are apparently using to house their routers in the hopes of keeping harmful 5G signals at bay… and then getting angry when they realize the cage is blocking the router’s Wi-Fi signal.

5G is nothing more sinister than some radio spectrum opened up in recent years for high-speed (but very limited range) cellular service.

Insanity Wrap finds 5G to be overrated for consumer use since 4G already delivers plenty of speed for high-def video, which is about the only thing most consumers need lots of bandwidth to do.

5G does have some fascinating industrial applications, however.

Needless to say, there’s nothing about 5G worth getting paranoid over. Also, needless to say, there are some people who are paranoid about 5G, and how it will sap and impurify all of their precious bodily fluids.

But putting your wifi router inside a Faraday cage and then complaining that you can’t get wifi?

A Faraday cage’s entire job is to block radio waves, and it doesn’t care if those waves are 5G, 4G, or even 4-H.

It’s like unplugging your microwave and then complaining that it won’t warm anything up.

It’s like filling your sinuses with caulk and then complaining that you can’t smell anything.

It’s like locking yourself in a chastity belt and then complaining that you aren’t getting any.

These Faraday cages that people are complaining about are working exactly as designed.

But so are the crazy people, and that’s why Insanity Wrap appreciates them so.

Here’s Another Damn Thing We’re Supposed to Be Concerned About

Any Georgia conservatives who fall for this fake wedge-issue crap will deserve whatever the resulting Democrat-dominated Senate votes to shove up their orifices.

Unfortunately, the rest of us won’t but would get it good and hard anyway.

It’s up to you, Georgia, to put the brakes on a potential Biden administration.

So please stay sane and vote for Loeffler and Perdue.

One More Thing…

Insanity Wrap Always Appreciates Honesty in Advertising
(Seen on social media.)

That’s a Wrap for today.

Come back tomorrow for another Insanity Wrap…

…assuming we make it that long.

Previously On Insanity Wrap: Wall Street Writes Off Biden’s Chances of Enacting His Crushing Tax Hikes