Election 2020

Biden Campaign Horrified by Our Secret Transcript They Don't Want You to See

AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster

The Biden campaign is about to get rocked by a secret transcript just revealed to PJ Media.

You might already know that last week in Kenosha, Wisconsin, alleged Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden told a mostly black audience that “a black man invented the lightbulb, not a white guy named Edison.”

Here’s the clip.

What you don’t know — what you couldn’t know before just now — is what went on behind the scenes at the Biden campaign in the minutes before Biden took to the stage in Kenosha.

Thanks to PJ Media’s secret mole deep inside the Biden campaign, what transpired can now be revealed to you.

The following transcript has been lightly edited for clarity.

Secret Mole Transcript, Complete

Campaign Strategist: Mr. Vice President, it would be great if you could give a shout-out today to Lewis Howard Latimer.

Joe Biden: Larry Howie Lassiter. Good man, good man. From East Dakota. We served in the Senate together more than 40 years. Helped me pass the Women Are Totally Equal and No Guns Act.

CS: That’s… nice… sir.

JB: Of course he is. Read a lovely condolence note at my wife’s wedding.

CS: Yes, sir. Back to your address today? This Kenosha audience is mostly black, and our market study says this would be a good time to mention Lewis Howard Latimer.

JB: OK, Fat. What’d this Lenticular fella do?

CS: Lewis, sir. Lewis Latimer. He’s the black man who invented a better filament that made Thomas Edison’s lightbulb commercially viable.

JB: Lois Laminate did what with fila, fila, the thing?

CS: Before Latimer — LEW-IS LAT-I-MER — Edison’s lightbulb burned out after a few hours. With Latimer’s filament, it would last over a hundred hours.

JB: That’s some trick, huh, Meat? Like the time I did pushups against Rocky, beat him square.

JB: Uh, yes, sir. The important thing is to tell people Latimer’s invention made Edison’s lightbulb commercially viable.

JB: Comical viaduct. Of course, of course.

CS: Sir, maybe forget the viability part. Just remind folks today that Lewis Howard Latimer made Thomas Edison’s lightbulb possible.

JB: Lattice Hoo-Ha Filigree. Black fella. Invented Thomas Edison’s lightbulb.

CS: No, sir. Not quite. Could you just say there was a black man who made the filament that made Edison’s lightbulb work better?

JB: I can say that, you know, the thing. Sure. Black dude rode a better filly in the Edison Stakes.

CS: [under his breath: “Screw this.”]

JB: What’s that, Peabody?

CS: Sir, just say a black man invented the light bulb. [“Nobody will care, anyway.”]

JB: Black guy, did the light bulb. I got this, Poncho. Easy-sleazy. When do I meet this fella?

Transcript ends.

Note: The preceding was a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any presidential candidates, living or braindead, is purely intentional.

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