Kim Jong-un Propaganda Photo Essay Goes Hysterically Wrong

Image courtesy of People's Democratic Republic of Korea Propaganda Ministry or something.

Think of how busy North Korean boss Kim Jong-un’s mornings must be. He’s up at the crack of 10 for a full-body massage given by completely willing and authentic virgins. That’s followed by a long breakfast of imported delicacies, paid for with $100 bills he had to personally counterfeit himself. Then a shower and a quick trim of the old whitewalls and flattop so he can look his best for that day’s execution of some high-ranking official by antiaircraft cannon.


Lunch is an ordeal unto itself, attended by a fawning collection of department ministers, generals, and that last guy who looked at him funny, hung up by his ankles from special hooks attached to the chandelier above the table. The midday meal is of course is followed immediately by a personal inspection of some facility or housing project, where Kim can be photographed looking and pointing at things in a most serious and potentially threatening manner. And who has time for an afternoon nap, when there are shirkers and saboteurs to be whipped?

Honestly, I never understood how one man could do it all with Kim’s effortless aplomb.

But then I saw this new photo essay of Kim, and it all became clear.

(Remember, you can click on the individual photos to get a closer look.)

When the burdens of office become just too much, Kim retreats to a secret getaway on Mount Paektusan and rides his trusty steed, Nuclear Trigger. The cool, clean mountain air is both refreshing and relaxing. And as you can see, Nuclear Trigger is so powerful and strong, that he isn’t slowed down in the slightest when carrying Kim, who subsists on a diet of American beef and French sauces.


Look at this man. You can see the tension melt away as he and Nuclear Trigger scale the heights together.

And… um… we’re not sure what happened to Kim’s legs in this next photo, but we’re certainly very sure for certain that there was no State-level photoshopping going on here at all.

Anyway, I just wanted to take a few moments to remind you that if someone with Kim’s heavy responsibilities and busy schedule can find a little “me” time in the afternoons, then so can you.

Just try not to let Kim catch you enjoying more relaxation than he is, comrade, unless you enjoy the lash.


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