Ain't No Crime

So much wrong in one little story:

A South Carolina man called 911 early this morning to complain that his girlfriend would not have sex with him, according to an arrest report.

When a cop responded to his Spartanburg residence, Patrick Doggett, 53, “stated he called 911 because his girlfriend, Ms. Faye Woodruff, would not give him any ass.”

Woodruff told police that Doggett had been drinking all day and “didn’t know where he was at.” She added that Doggett got into bed and wanted to have sex, but “she had her grandchild with her.”

So, Woodruff noted, Doggett “got up and then dialed 911.”

Doggett was arrested for public intoxication, but if you ask me the officers should have shown more mercy. If getting drunk because you aren’t getting any was a crime, I’d have spent half of the ’80s in prison.