How Not to Do It

So this stupid thing happened again in Washington:

The Department of Homeland Security has lost track of more than 6,000 foreign nationals who entered the United States on student visas, overstayed their welcome, and essentially vanished — exploiting a security gap that was supposed to be fixed after the Sept. 11, 2001 terror attacks.

“My greatest concern is that they could be doing anything,” said Peter Edge, the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement official who oversees investigations into visa violators. “Some of them could be here to do us harm.”

Homeland Security officials disclosed the breadth of the student visa problem in response to ABC News questions submitted as part of an investigation into persistent complaints about the nation’s entry program for students.

No. That’s not what you say. This is akin to Professor Ditherton Wiggleroom’s bold pronouncement last week that he has no strategy for dealing with the Islamic State, and if he did it wouldn’t work.

What you say is something like this:

Not only are we aware at all times of the exact location of every student here on a visa, but we secretly implanted an undetectable, small, yet lethal explosive device somewhere into each of their bodies, which we may activate via remote control anywhere in the world.

And while the bad guys are panicking, you track down those SOBs.