Sheena Easton had her first American hit with “Morning Train (Nine To Five)” back in ’81. It was pretty pointless stuff, even by the pop-fluff standards of the time. Sweet girl, nice sentiment — so it went to #1 on Billboard. Then Sheena got herself a Bond theme with the title track to Roger Moore’s For Your Eyes Only. I never noticed until recently, when Melissa and I re-watched every single Bond movie in order, that her singing on that track is deeply uninteresting. Still, another song with a nice sentiment sung by a sweet girl.
She or her management must have figured they’d exhausted that act, however. In 1984 she released A Private Heaven, with her there on the cover fully exposing what is, 30 years later, still one of the finest thighs it’s ever been my pleasure to see. The sweet girl routine was obviously done with, even before you got the cellophane off the album cover.
And then you put the needle on the record and “Strut” is the first song on the first side. The lyric tells one story:
Strut, pout, put it out, that’s what you want from women
Come on baby, what you takin’ me for?
Strut, pout, cut it out, all takin’ and no givin’
Watch me baby while I walk out your door
But the video tells a completely different tale. She’s not walking out the door; she’s strutting right into the bedroom with that perfect little pout. Does that make any sense? No. Did I care? No.
I should mention the album’s next song is “Sugar Walls,” and I really shouldn’t have to explain what that one’s about, but in any case I won’t. Needless to say, those two tracks didn’t just get played a lot my freshman year of high school, but I think they put the hair on my chest.
One last thing. This maneuver, turning from Sweet Girl to Sexpot, shall henceforth be known as “The Newton-John.”