Finally, an honest commencement speech:
As you might have noticed, I have placed 3,100 of Auburn’s graduating students into an open-air stadium to sit for several hours in the baking sun. I’ve also had white mats placed down on the football field so that the 90 degree sun can give all of you graduates in your black, heat-sucking-robes a good case of sunstroke. Your family, some of whom are very elderly, are forced to navigate treacherous endless steps in order to look at you through binoculars. Treacherous steps that, for some reason, have no railings on them. Probably because we have an architecture school, and they’re not too keen on teaching things like, I don’t know, safety.
Read the whole thing.