I can tell you from hard-earned experience that if there’s a stomach flu going around, and you’re the only person in your house who hasn’t had it, then whatever you do, do not eat anything featuring Super Chunk peanut butter.


From the moment it hits, you’ll feel like you have to burp. Only you can’t, because that’s not an air pocket in your stomach, it’s a wet burlap sack filled with acorns. You can hear them rattle around every time you move, and even more loudly when you don’t. Every hour or two, the bag will twist just right and some of the acorns will come flying out. That’s when you realize: Those aren’t acorns. And also maybe: When did I last eat cottage cheese?

The dry heaves are fun, too. They’ll give you the experience of being a two pack-a-day smoker forced to run a marathon, without ever having to leave the privacy of your own bathroom. E-V-E-R.

Did manage to get some sleep last night, which was nice. I’m just well-rested enough today to fully appreciate just how much I look like a guy who spent 18 hours hurling and heaving. Much more of this and my abs are going to look phenomenal. The bathroom, not so much.

I’ll be back for more blogging as soon as the flu gives me permission again. The going rate is every 45-90 minutes.


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