VodkaPundit

It's an Honor

I’ve been nominated for a Shorty Award. Of course, in some cultures I think those are fighting words.

What did I do? I “tweeted” 17 excuses throughout the day for not shoveling snow. Here they are, in reverse order, just like real live blogging:

is out of excuses not to shovel the driveway, but still has plenty of scotch. There’s a lesson in there somewhere. If you really look. 8:50 PM Dec 9th from web

figures that after all this wine, it would be dangerous to shovel the driveway. He could slip and fall on the ice. Think of the children! 6:41 PM Dec 9th from web

has come to the sad conclusion that if he goes outside to shovel now, then his glass of wine will open up too much. 5:40 PM Dec 9th from web

figures it’s nearly dark enough already that hardly anyone can tell if the driveway is shoveled or not. 4:48 PM Dec 9th from web

is fairly certain the parakeet requires too much attention today for me to be stuck outside shoveling. Or would be, if we had a parakeet. 3:26 PM Dec 9th from web

is pretty sure his old college football injury is acting up too much to allow him to do any shoveling this afternoon. 2:50 PM Dec 9th from web

claims that his seasonal snow and shovel allergies have returned — and darn the lousy timing. 2:12 PM Dec 9th from web

likes to keep his friends close and his shovel closer. 1:10 PM Dec 9th from web

still wakes up sometimes. Still wakes up in the dark and hears the screaming of the driveway. 12:35 PM Dec 9th from web

just finished watching a scary news report about a man who was shoveling his driveway–and was mauled by a pack of wild dogs! And kitties! 12:00 PM Dec 9th from web

has it on good authority that “the soft, fluffy kind of snow doesn’t even require any shoveling.” 11:12 AM Dec 9th from web

thinks it would be best not to shovel the driveway “so as not to reduce the potential polar bear habitats.” 10:22 AM Dec 9th from web

would rather not shovel the driveway “so that Santa will feel more welcome.” 9:57 AM Dec 9th from web

thinks he shouldn’t have to shovel the driveway today “on account of inclement weather.” 9:32 AM Dec 9th from web

has, once again, put off snow shoveling until he can get his boot laces “not quite so criss-crossy.” 8:57 AM Dec 9th from web

has decided to further delay shoveling the snow, as on closer inspection it turns out the all the flakes look suspiciously unalike. 8:28 AM Dec 9th from web

has decided not to shovel snow yet because “it’s too white.” 8:08 AM Dec 9th from web

I don’t know how to vote for me, but maybe you do.