We Each Grieve in Our Own Way

I’ve made up my mind — I’m not going to watch the Pearl video.

Or rather, I realized I’d decided before I even downloaded the thing — but I still had to have it on my hard drive. And no, Brooke, I won’t be deleting it.

Owning the damn thing without looking at it gives me a small measure of control over the situation. “Yeah, fuckers, you can kill my countrymen, you can make a home video of it, and you can even get worldwide distribution. But you can’t make me watch.”

It’s nice to be able to take even such a small measure of initiative away from the barbarians. It’s also a lot like the first time I quit smoking. I left an open pack out in the open, right there in the living room. I had them, I could smoke them, but I proved I didn’t need to.