Don't Be a Quitter Hawk

Don’t Be a Quitter
Hawk Girl Emily Jones is quitting smoking.

Em, as a quitter myself (eight months now), let me give you some advice: Don’t do it.

I miss that first morning smoke with a hot cup of coffee. That Camel after a big dinner, when there’s still some Cabernet left in the glass. And did I mention those after-sex cigarettes? Do you know what non-smokers do after sex? We lay there and cuddle. Let me tell you, that is not all it’s cracked up to be.

Sure, it doesn’t smell great. That’s what Glade Neutralizer is for. I know it’s expensive, but consider the cost just another motivation to work harder and get that promotion you’ve been bucking for. And yeah, it takes a horrible toll on your health. But it takes those years away at the end of your life, when most everyone is on a respirator, anyway. It’s not like you suddenly lose 25-35. Now those are some fine years.

So Emily, rip off that patch, march down the street to your nearest convenience store, plonk down four bucks, and get yourself a tasty pack of 20 little smoldering sticks of heaven.