Where's Ken Layne When You

Where’s Ken Layne When You Need Him?
I swear to Whomever I’m going to try to give a damn about the gubernatorial primary today in California.

The Republicans should be able to run the deranged infant clone of Pol Pot as their candidate to beat the amazingly inept and aptly named Gray Davis. Or is he Davis Gray? I never can remember — he’s that unimpressive. Plus there was that little energy fiasco last year, when Davis (or Gray) was wily enough to be negotiated out of billions of California tax dollars.

Any Republican candidate should be able to answer all media questions with, “I’m too drunk to remember,” and still be polling ahead of Gray (or Davis).

But California is so willfully, stupidly Democratic, that Davis (or Gray) has a war chest so big that the spare change can buy enough ads to smother Mini Pol Pot with smears of a truly Begala scale. And when I say California is stupidly Democratic, I mean it in the sense that any time anyone supports a single party without question, that party will screw them, hard, anally, without lube. In politics, that’s called “gratitude.”

Ask any black parent who wants school vouchers.

And so the voters today in California will select their party’s candidates — Davis Gray or Gray Davis for the Democrats, and Mini Pol Pot or Tiny Hitler or someone from the Republican party. I can’t actually remember the Republican’s names. The ones I gave are the best I can do, based on some half-forgotten TV news stories. I think one of them used to kill Hispanic people in LA or something. It was all on CNN.

So I really am going to try to care about the primary. I’m just not going to try very hard.