Global Warming Will Kill Our Sex Drives
Is there anything global warming can't do? It's absolutely amazing the impact on our planet global warming will have just because the temperature rises a few degrees.
The latest on the catastrophe that will befall us comes from a befuddled academic who claims that warming temperatures will make us less inclined to have sex, thus reducing the number of births in the U.S. by more than 100,000 a year.
Temperature impacts the sexual patterns of human beings for two reasons, according to Professor Barreca.
One reason he gave was that human beings did not want to exert themselves physically in hot weather, due to possible discomfort.
The second reason was more scientific.
"The effect of temperature on the production of sperm — that's been shown to be pretty strong in animals," Professor Barreca said.
"When you expose a bull to high temperatures, sperm motility and sperm count fall right off."
He said with the onset of climate change and global warming, the implications could grow.
"According to a state of the art global circulation model, there is going to be about 90 hot days per year by the end of the 21st century — that's about 60 more days than we currently experience," he said.
"Using our estimates, we project that the number of births will fall by about 107,000 per year in the United States by the end of the 21st century."
He said this implied climate could have an impact on the seasonal variation of births, and ultimately change when we have to attend the most birthday parties.
I guess the good doctor never heard of air conditioning.
Are we doomed to a sexless future where "Not tonight, darling. I have a headache" is replaced with "Get your hands off me. It's too hot"?
No matter. I challenge the notion that hot weather deters people from having sex. An ice cube on warm skin can be very erotic. And it's clear our researcher has never done much with ice cream in the boudoir.
I can mention a few more creative ways to enjoy the heat during coitus but this is a family website and I'm already turning red.
I suppose if the scientists have it wrong and we're going to go through a long period of global cooling, we should get ready for another baby boom while stocking up on oysters and arugula to keep the fires of passion burning brightly.