The PJ Tatler

6 Ridiculously Radical Steps Hillary Should Take to Become President...


Dear Mrs. Bill Clinton,

So according to the gossip pages (via your pal Mr. Drudge), you’re ticked off about your husband’s closeness to convicted sex offender and alleged slavemaster Jeffrey Epstein:

Hillary Clinton is “furious” at husband Bill Clinton, according to Washington insiders, after his name came up in the latest sex scandal involving his disgraced former pal ­Jeffrey Epstein.

Sources at the funeral of Mario Cuomo also said they saw a peevish-looking Hillary angrily “storm” past the former president after he dutifully waited for her by the door of St. Ignatius Loyola Church.

“Talk in Washington is that Hillary is furious with Bill about all this new information on Jeffrey Epstein,” said a DC insider familiar with both Epstein and the Clintons.

We’re to believe the mouse just visited the cookie jar regularly and never helped himself to what was inside? It’s just a matter of time before the facts emerge that irreparable lines were crossed. For all we know there’s probably video floating around already. Epstein did have hidden cameras after all:

A Prince Andrew sex tape may allegedly exist of the British royal’s sexual encounters with an underage prostitute who worked for his good friend, financier Jeffrey Epstein. According to a new report, hidden cameras were within the walls of Epstein’s many extravagant homes to record sex acts. This is presenting the possibility that a secret video could link the prince to the woman known as “Jane Doe 3″ — 17 at the time she allegedly hooked up with Andrew, U.K.’s Daily Mirror reports Saturday.

Could this perhaps be a part of how Epstein achieved such power and prominence? Get some celebrity or politician on camera doing something illegal and they’re in your pocket. That was a common method of Soviet espionage agents during the Cold War, as Lt. Gen. Ion Mihai Pacepa explains in his amazing book Programmed to Kill: Lee Harvey Oswald, the Soviet KGB, and the Kennedy Assassination.

So the possibility of a 2016 Democratic presidential run is looking more and more distant, isn’t it? I’ve got a radical idea: take this problem as the opportunity it is, to finally un-tether yourself to the overgrown adolescent who has hypnotized and enslaved you your whole life.

Hillary, you can still be president someday. Just adjust the timeline for 8 years down the line and take these big, huge, revolutionary steps to reinvent yourself from the Right’s greatest, most reviled villain to its hero.

1. Divorce Bill.

Say that this Jeffrey Epstein stuff has so shocked and horrified you that you’ve finally woken up to the barbarian monster you married. RUN!!!!!!!!!

2. Have a major, serious religious experience and a conversion to a more Biblically-based faith.

Abandon the Methodist Church and the touchy-feely New Age nonsense that has led you so morally astray your whole life.

3. Roll over on your fake friends and ex-husband in the Democratic Party.

In exchange for immunity, reveal all the crimes you know about Bill and his cronies. Embrace Michael Walsh’s The People v. The Democratic Party and accept the historical reality that you were duped and seduced into a criminal-political cult. Think of yourself like Lorraine Bracco in Goodfellas. Now’s the time to cut a deal, become a hero, and get out. For inspiration, read Pacepa’s memoir Red Horizons: The True Story of Nicolae and Elena Ceausescus’ Crimes, Lifestyle, and Corruption. You can do the same thing!

4. That includes rolling over on your long-time aide (influence agent) Huma Abedin and revealing all the stealth Jihadist, Muslim Brotherhood infiltrations to which you’re privy.

5. Remarry to a real Republican man (or woman, whichever will make you happier) who will love you rather than just use you as a political prop.

Embrace monogamy and start to speak out against polygamous, “open” marriages like the one you were stuck in for decades. Speak passionately about how millennial women should not make the same mistake you did and marry sexist criminal men like Bill.

6. Return to your ideological roots — Goldwater conservatism — and announce that you too are joining the project of disassembling the New Deal and the Great Society.

Embrace the Tea Party and officially join the Republican Party. It’s not too late for making up for your lifetime spent serving the enemies of American freedom. You can become a whistleblower and a hero, and it will certainly be rewarded.


David Swindle

P.S. Congratulations on becoming a grandmother.

P.S.S. Consider too: some top insider power player amongst the Democrats will try and roll over on everyone else first if it’s not you… perhaps Valerie Jarrett will be the one smart and courageous enough to consider my escape plan? What are you waiting for? Get off the boat before it sinks!