The PJ Tatler

Assad About To Win Super Fair Election In Syria

Nail biter.

Syrians vote on Tuesday in a presidential poll that Bashar al-Assad is all but certain to win, but which the opposition has slammed as a “farce” that will prolong a brutal three-year war.

In theory, this will be Syria’s first election in nearly 50 years, with Assad and his father Hafez renewing their mandates in successive referendums.

But the controversial vote excludes regime opponents from running, and will only be held in areas under army control.

Good news: the North Koreans and Iranians are there to make sure the voting is fair!

Observers from countries allied to the regime — North Korea, Iran and Russia — are to supervise the voting, while a security plan has reportedly been put in place in Syrian cities to prevent possible attacks against voters and polling stations.

Well, at least our magical healing president has made everyone in that part of the world love us just like the Hopeychangeys promised he would…