The PJ Tatler

Buzz Ballad: Give the Kids a Ritz

“Manitoba Mom Gives Kids Homemade Lunch, School Forces Them to Eat Ritz Crackers”
News item


Give the Kids a Ritz!
—apologies to Irving Berlin and “Puttin’ on the Ritz”

Have you seen what the staff did
With their group of daycare kids?
Their panties got in a bunch
Over what kids brought for lunch!
They found roast beef and carrots
To have insufficient merit
And instead complained
‘Cause there wasn’t a grain!

If you’re sending your kids over
To daycare in Manitoba
Avoid staff fits
Have kids bring a Ritz!
Don’t you even think to try for
Any other source of fiber
They’ll insist
Have kids bring a Ritz!
Lest children become fat or distended
They’ll stick to what government recommended
And defend it
So be forewarned when you pack lunches
Never follow your own hunches
When choosing bits—
Give the kids a Ritz!